


karasuno chat? no, just chaos

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, M/M, chat fic, more characters coming soon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:06:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24287104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Hinata Shouyou: HELLO!!!!!Hinata Shouyou: i thought a chat would be kinda cool because i saw people had ones for their own teamsTsukishima Kei: I don’t want to be hereNishinoya Yuu: owo whats this????Sugawara Koushi: I know u did not just owo in front of the children
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 179
Kudos: 502





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a chat fic - sorta generic sorry
> 
> just having fun idk and putting my ideas on paper - as well as literal conversations I've had with my friends

_Hinata Shouyou has added Sugawara Koushi, Nishinoya Yuu + 11 others to the chat!_

_Hinata Shoyo changed their name to ‘Best Decoy’_

Best Decoy: HELLO!!!!!

Best Decoy: i thought a chat would be kinda cool because i saw people had ones for their own teams

Tsukishima Kei: I don’t want to be here

_Best Decoy changed Tsukishima Kei’s name to ’Salty boi’_

Nishinoya Yuu: owo whats this????

_Nishinoya Yuu changed their name to ‘ROLLING THUNDER’_

Sugawara Koushi: I know u did not just owo in front of the children

Best Decoy: whats owo?????

Sugawara Koushi: thats it im murdering him

ROLLING THUNDER: MOM PLZ NO

_ROLLING THUNDER changed Sugawara Koshi’s name to ’Sugamama’_

Sugamama: im telling you  
Sugamama: your dead to me

Salty Boi: *you’re

Sugamama: u have been added to my list

Yamaguchi Tadashi: like a death note???

_Sugamama changed Yamaguchi Tadashi’s name to ‘best boi’_

best boi: am flattered

Sugamama: this kid has great taste

Sawamura Daichi: what is this Hinata?

Best Decoy: other teams had group chats so i wanted us to as well!!

_ROLLING THUNDER changed Sawamura Daichi's name to 'Dad'_

Dad: Um??

Tanaka Ryuunosuke: woahhhhh is this???  
Tanaka Ryuunosuke: a gc????

ROLLING THUNDER: RYUUUUUU!!!!

Tanaka Ryuunosuke: YUUUUUU!!!!

Salty boi: I'm losing brain cells

_Tanaka Ryuunosuke changed their name to 'Coolest Senpai'_

_ROLLING THUNDER changed Coolest Senpai's name to 'sushi incident'_

sushi incident: we promised we wouldnt talk about this bro  
sushi incident: its too soon

ROLLING THUNDER: a week is enough time to get over it

Kinoshita Hisashi: hah

sushi incident: why

Best Decoy: WOAH  
Best Decoy: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

sushi incident: no

Dad: I think it's best to leave him alone

Kageyama Tobio: where am i and why is my dad here?

Salty boi: hell bitch.

Kageyama Tobio: nice to know  
Kageyama Tobio: are u like satan or some shit?

Best Decoy: TSUKKI DONT SAY THAT

Sugamama: no swearing under my roof

ROLLING THUNDER: DONT U FUCKING SWEAR ON MY MINECRAFT CHRISTIAN SERVER U BITCH

Kinoshita Hisashi: old meme bro

_ROLLING THUNDER has changed Kinoshita Hisashi's name to 'fuck you'_

fuck you: i think it suits me

Ennoshita Chikara: wth

Sugamama: i am this close to killing everyone here

Kageyama Tobio: what did i do?

best boi: :(

Best Decoy: ;-;

Sugamama: u two are ok ^^

Kageyama Tobio: what about me?

Sugamama: u swore  
Sugamama: u heathen

Kageyama Tobio: oh  
Kageyama Tobio: sorry mom

Best Decoy: he's sucking up to you don't listen

sushi incident: heh

ROLLING THUNDER: sucking

Best Decoy: i don't get it?

Sugamama: everyone is being murdered tomorrow

Dad: hey babe you should probably calm down

sushi incident: BABE

ROLLING THUNDER: BABE

best boi: babe

Salty boi: babe

Best Decoy: babe!!

Kageyama Tobio: babe?

Ennoshita Chikara: BABE

fuck you: babe

Azumane Asahi: babe

Dad: when did you get here???

Sugamama: you arent helping asahi

ROLLING THUNDER: OMG IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER

_ROLLING THUNDER changed Azumane Asahi's name to 'Jesus'_

_ROLLING THUNDER changed Ennoshita Chikara's name to 'captain jr'_

Jesus: really?

Sugamama: yes yes change the subject

Best Decoy: I DIDNT KNOW U WERE DATING

Salty boi: you must not have eyes then

best boi: tru 

Kageyama Tobio: i thought it was obvious

sushi incident: lmao

Dad: i am confused????

captain jr: u guys arent exactly subtle   
captain jr: u do know that right?

Sugamama: well-

Yachi Hitoka: whats this?

Best Decoy: YACHI!!!!!

Yachi Hitoka: hi!!

Shimizu Kiyoko: Why am I here as well?

ROLLING THUNDER: SHE SPOKE

sushi incident: we have been blessed

Yachi Hitoka: hello Shimizu!!!

_ROLLING THUNDER changed Yachi Hitoka's name to 'Purest bean'_

_ROLLING THUNDER changed Shimizu Kiyoko's name to 'Queen'_

Purest bean: thank you!!!

Queen: I'm honoured

ROLLING THUNDER: SHE SPOKE TO ME  
ROLLING THUNDER: OMGGGGG?????

sushi incident: I'm jealous

Sugamama: thx yachi and shimizu

Purest bean: ok?   
Purest bean: you're welcome :D

Queen: no keep going

Purest bean: actually yeah me and my queen would like to hear more before we leave

Best decoy: owo?  
Best decoy: (did i use that right senpai???)

ROLLING THUNDER: (your doing great sweetie)

Salty boi: (*you're)

ROLLING THUNDER: (fuck you too)

Kageyama Tobio: (i don't get it)

Purest bean: (I'm gonna leave but when i come back i better know more)

sushi incident: (yeah i want to hear more about their love story)

Queen: (i should leave too)

ROLLING THUNDER: (omg we scared them away)

sushi incident: (not like this)

Dad: you do know i can see that right?

ROLLING THUNDER: (no we are whispering)

Sugamama: (yeah their whispering)

Dad: I'm confused

Kageyama Tobio: (me too but I'm just going with it)

Best Decoy: (my brain hurts reading your name)

_Best Decoy changed Kageyama Tobio's name to 'unironic milkman'_

unironic milkman: why unironic?

Best Decoy: shrug

Salty boi: you did not just type that out

Best Decoy: what are you gonna do beanpole??

_ROLLING THUNDER changed Salty boi's name to 'beanpole'_

beanpole: you really wanna go there

Best Decoy: FIGHT ME

beanpole: what are you gonna do?  
beanpole: kick my shins?

Best Decoy: ILL PUNCH U IN THE FACE

beanpole: if you can reach

Best Decoy: mom can i help u kill [redacted]

Sugamama: any day!

unironic milkman: why did you use [redacted] if we already know who you wanna beat up?

Best Decoy: try me ...

beanpole: just say bitch you pussy

Dad: WELL

sushi incident: YEAH BACK TO DAICHI AND SUGA

Dad: i take that back

Jesus: its ok we all know you are together

Sugamama: I've already accepted it

Dad: really?????

Sugamama: well it was gonna happen eventually?

ROLLING THUNDER: that's tru  
ROLLING THUNDER: especially since u always eye fuck each other

Best Decoy: what does that mean?

best boi: no don't tell him

Sugamama: and i thought you were innocent

best boi: hah who would have thot

beanpole: haha

Best Decoy: you spelt it wrong!!!

unironic milkman: should i tell him?

Dad: NO

Sugamama: NO

Best Decoy: ????

captain jr: aw i wanted to see where this was going

ROLLING THUNDER: me 2

Sugamama: DONT YOU GUYS DARE

Best Decoy: ill just ask someone else >:(

Dad: as your captain i order you not to do that

Sugamama: yes please don't ask 

best boi: ^

sushi incident: ^  
sushi incident: no corrupting my pure kohai

unironic milkman: i also say no

Best Decoy: BAKAGEYAMA

unironic milkman: im being targeted

beanpole: i couldn't care less  
beanpole: but ennoshita is right i wanna see what happens

Best Decoy: I'm asking

ROLLING THUNDER: ADD THEM TO THE CHAT

_Best Decoy added Kozume Kenma to the chat!_

Best Decoy: kenma what does thot mean?

Kozume Kenma: wth

Best Decoy: ITS MEEEE!!!

Kozume Kenma: shoyo?

Best Decoy: YES

Kozume Kenma: ok so um  
Kozume Kenma: thot...?

Best Decoy: its just a wrong spelling!!!  
Best Decoy: isn't it?

Kozume Kenma: yes its a wrong spelling 

Dad: yep

Sugamama: he just spelt it wrong!!

Kozume Kenma: why is my dad here

unironic milkman: i was wondering that too

Dad: I'm Daichi!!! 

Kozume Kenma: why am i here again?

Best Decoy: they wanted to see your reaction!!!  
Best Decoy: idk why tho

Kozume Kenma: so do i like leave?

Sugamama: no please stay to protect Hinata's innocence

Kozume Kenma: that is a great reason   
Kozume Kenma: i can just chill ig

_Best decoy changed Kozume Kenma's name to 'Cat'_

Cat: ok?

Best Decoy: ur a cat! :D

best boi: :3c

Sugamama: don't do that face after u caused this mess

best boi: I'm sorry mom :(

Sugamama: i forgive u

unironic milkman: can i be forgiven???

ROLLING THUNDER: me 2 plz

beanpole: honestly idc but forgive me?

Sugamama: my children!!!!!  
Sugamama: i forgive you all!!!! <3

unironic milkman: thank you 

Sugamama: ur welcome!

beanpole: ok

Jesus: wow

Cat: whreefwhbhrvbec

sushi incident: oh?

ROLLING THUNDER: rip he ded

_Cat added Kuroo Tetsurou to the chat!_

_Cat changed Kuroo Tetsurou's name to 'Smexy cat'_

sushi incident: OH

beanpole: no no no

Smexy cat: yes yes yes

Dad: oh its you

Smexy cat: dad?

Dad: no it's daichi

Smexy cat: oh i got hopeful  
Smexy cat: did u get the milk?

unironic milkman: milk?

Cat: kuroo i literally know your dad

Smexy cat: its a joke kitten

ROLLING THUNDER: kitten??

ROLLING THUNDER changed Cat's name to 'kitten'

Best Decoy: KUROO-SANNNN!!!

Smexy Cat: CHIBI??

Best Decoy: ITS MEEEE

captain jr: its too bright

unironic milkman: I'm still very lost

Best Decoy: where r u???  
Best Decoy: its like 9 pm

Smexy cat: did he really just-

beanpole: idiot

Sugamama: leave him alone!!!

unironic milkman: and i thought i didn't know anything

Best decoy: HUH  
Best decoy: U WANNA GO

unironic milkman: once again being targeted

Best Decoy: i would destroy u anyway milk boy

unironic milkman: bitch

Sugamama: hey now

Best Decoy: u rlly wanna fight me

unironic milkman: yeah come at me

Best Decoy: sure thing milk boy

_Best Decoy added Oikawa Tooru to the chat!_

unironic milkman: you fucking didnt

Best Decoy: yes i did

Smexy cat: this is fun to watch ngl

captain jr: i need popcorn 

Oikawa Tooru: hello??

unironic milkman: fuck you

Oikawa Tooru: ???  
Oikawa Tooru: judging by that u are either Tobio or a bitch

beanpole: right both times

Best Decoy: HI GREAT KING!  
Best Decoy: I ADDED YOU TO ANNOY KAGEYAMA

Oikawa Tooru: i am very happy u thot of me

Best Decoy: again?

Kitten: shoyo leave it

Oikawa Tooru: so can i like stay? i need some hot tea

ROLLING THUNDER: daichi and suga are dating (if u know who they are)

Oikawa Tooru: OH YES I SHIP

Smexy cat: i like this guy

Oikawa Tooru: and who might you be

Smexy cat: the boy from ur dreams ;)

Oikawa Tooru: oh?

Kitten: also my boyfriend so fuck off

ROLLING THUNDER: OH DAMN

Kitten: no I'm talking to both of them  
Kitten: no offence oikawa but i can tell i wont like you  
Kitten: and kuroo u know i dont like u

Oikawa Tooru: none taken ig

Smexy cat: i am the greatest, most sexy and beautiful captain of nekoma

Kitten: no

Best decoy: I THINK UR GREAT KUROO-SAN

Smexy cat: chibi-chan gets it

Oikawa Tooru: u call him chibi-chan as well!?

Smexy cat: oh yeah i like this guy

Oikawa Tooru: yesssss

unironic milkman: leave

ROLLING THUNDER: no a bromance is blossoming

sushi incident: yeah let it happen

_unironic milkman changed Oikawa Tooru's name to 'fuck off'_

fuck you: there can only be one

fuck off: well (・－・)

_Best decoy changed fuck off's name to 'Grand King'_

Grand King: thx chibi-chan ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

ROLLING THUNDER: so is this just like a random chat now

sushi incident: lets talk about memes

Smexy cat: y is that ur name???

sushi incident: i am Tanaka the bald dude  
sushi incident: and we dont talk about it

fuck off: well...

ROLLING THUNDER: hm

captain jr: i wanna tell em

Best decoy: DO IT!!!

Narita Kazuhito: I'm gonna 

sushi incident: u had to come now didn't u

_sushi incident changed their name to 'buddha'_

_Narita Kazuhito changed buddha's name to sushi incident_

_sushi incident changed their name to 'buddha'_

_Narita Kazuhito changed buddha's name to sushi incident_

_sushi incident changed Narita Kazuhito's name to 'fuck off 2'_

fuck off: lmao we're twins

fuck off 2: whoop

Grand King: now I'm offended

fuck off: we are soulmates sorry bro

fuck off 2: yeah idk who u r but yeah

Grand King: u remind me of my teammates

Smexy cat: ADD THEM 

Kitten: oh god

Sugamama: dont corrupt my baby please

Best decoy: U HAVE A BABY SUGA-SAN???

Grand King: no promises suga

_Grand King added Iwaizumi Haijime +2 others to the chat!_

Dad: i mean it cant get anymore chaotic right

Hanamaki Takahiro: wrong bitches


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the seijoh bois have arrived

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinata: Best decoy  
> Kageyama: unironic milkman  
> Tsukishima: beanpole  
> Yamaguchi: best boi  
> Suga: Sugamama  
> Daichi: Dad  
> Asahi: Jesus  
> Noya: ROLLING THUNDER  
> Tanaka: sushi incident  
> Kinoshita: fuck you  
> Narita: fuck you 2  
> Ennoshita: captain jr  
> Yachi: pure bean  
> Kiyoko: Queen  
> Kenma: Kitten  
> Kuroo: Smexy cat  
> Oikawa: Grand King  
> Iwaizumi: iwachan  
> Makki: Pinky  
> Mattsun: weed brownies
> 
> Yahaba: loser  
> Kunimi: loser 2 > die  
> Bokuto: owl-senpai

**Unnamed chat - 2:10 am**

_Matsukawa Issei changed Iwaizumi Haijime's name to 'iwachan'_

_Matsukawa Issei changed Hanamaki Takahiro's name to 'Pinky'_

Pinky: uhm wth

Matsukawa Issei: its ur hair

Pinky: then what are you  
Pinky: brownie???

ROLLING THUNDER: yes

_ROLLING THUNDER changed Matsukawa Issei's name to 'weed brownies'_

Pinky: scratch that best idea ever

weed brownies: i love it

ROLLING THUNDER: thank you

Kitten: why are u awake

Pinky: i could ask the same thing kitten

Kitten: i have no idea who u guys r

ROLLING THUNDER: i am karasunos amazing and talented libero

weed brownies: i am the coolest middle blocker ever

Kitten: i doubt that

Smexy cat: omg u do love me

Kitten: no its shoyo

Pinky: I'm just a chill wing spiker 

Kitten: well I'm a setter  
Kitten: not like that matters

Smexy cat: u should sleep we have training soon!!

Kitten: no

weed brownies: he's gone rogue

ROLLING THUNDER: FREEDOM

Pinky: he is free

ROLLING THUNDER: KITTEN RIGHTS

Kitten: u have the world against u kuroo

Smexy cat: U NEED SLEEP??

Kitten: so do u and here we are

Dad: please go to bed

ROLLING THUNDER: never

Pinky: sleep is for the week

Dad: noya ur doing laps

ROLLING THUNDER: would u look at the time

weed brownies: u cant control us

Dad: @ - iwaizumi?

Pinky: haha sike

weed brownies: night losers

Smexy cat: kenma go to bed

Kitten: sure

**Unnamed chat - 4:03 am**

Kitten: sike 

_Kitten has changed Unnamed chat to 'try and control me bitch'_

**try and control me bitch - 6:49 am**

Grand King: well then

Best Decoy: WOAH  
Best Decoy: U GUYS STAYED UP SO LATE

Sugamama: kenma  
Suagmama: i thought we were supposed to protect him

Kitten: oops

Best Decoy: DO U THINK I COULD STAY UP THAT LATE????

unironic milkman: don't do it u dumbass

Best Decoy: OK

iwachan: wtf is this

beanpole: hell

best boi: bitch

Grand King: its a gc iwa-chan!!!

iwachan: so it is hell

Pinky: aw don't say that

Jesus: yeah its ok ig

Dad: no its bad

iwachan: why is Jesus and my dad here???

Dad: goddammit

Jesus: i mean

Dad: i am Daichi, the captain of Karasuno

iwachan: i can tell who the grand king is unfortunately 

Grand King: rude 

beanpole: do we have to?

Best Decoy: HI SEIJOUS ACE!!!!!  
Best Decoy: IM HINATA THE #10 FROM KARASUNO

Grand King: hi

Best Decoy: THE BUZZKILL IS TSUKKI

beanpole: don't call me that

Smexy cat: tsukki?

best boi: leave tsukki alone!!

beanpole: ^^

Sugamama: children don't bully each other

sushi incident: no promises

iwachan: should i ask?

sushi incident: no i will not tell you about my name

_sushi incident changed their name to 'please no'_

_fuck you 2 changed please no's name to 'sushi incident'_

sushi incident: do you have that on copy and paste???

Best Decoy: ITS OK I LIKE YOUR NAME

beanpole: do you only type incaps?

unironic milkman: it hurts my eyes

Best Decoy: you hurt my eyes

Pinky: oh?

ROLLING THUNDER: he's too sexy for your eyes to handle shoyo

Best Decoy: WHAT

Smexy cat: this is funny

Best Decoy: KUROO-SAN?

Grand King: come on you two

best boi: i mean-

unironic milkman: yamaguchi  
unironic milkman: u better not fucking dare

best boi: i might

unironic milkman: die

beanpole: don't speak to him like that

Pinky: OH?

Kitten: this is amusing

Grand King: ( ﾟдﾟ)

iwachan: shittykawa no

ROLLING THUNDER: nobody is talking about how shoyo just went up and left

Best Decoy: I'm still here  
Best Decoy: keep going 

Grand King: so you do

Best Decoy: ?

beanpole: you want to you know

Best Decoy: WHATTTT?

ROLLING THUNDER: you know...

unironic milkman: shut up

Pinky: you want to tho?

Sugamama: please don't corrupt him

Kitten: can confirm he does

Best Decoy: WTH?????  
Best Decoy: wait

beanpole: he's processing

best boi: give it a minute

unironic milkman: wht

Best Decoy: KENMA I WILL KILL U WTHEWHREFBCHRFEDNXEFCDJN

Kitten: wasn't me

Pinky: SO HE DOES?

Kitten: hm should i pm

Best Decoy: NO

Grand King: yes please

Kitten: :3

unironic milkman: I'm so ???

Grand King: i knew it

_Grand King added Kunimi Akira & Yahaba Shigeru to try and control me bitch!_

Grand King: YOU LOST THE BET LOSERS

_Grand King changed Yahaba Shigeru's name to 'Loser'_

_Grand King changed Kunimi Akira's name to 'Loser 2'_

Loser: what bet?

Loser 2: really?

iwachan: u bet with the kohai?

Sugamama: i do that all the time

ROLLING THUNDER: HE WINS EVERY TIME???

Loser 2: wut even is this

beanpole: hell

iwachan: hell

Kitten: hell

Loser 2: sounds about right

Grand King: pay up at training bois

_Loser 2 changed their name to 'die'_

beanpole: ha me

Kitten: me too

die: lmao

Sugamama: do you need to talk?

unironic milkman: me too

die: i don't even know who you are

unironic milkman: rather you dont

Grand King: we need to bondddd

Sugamama: yeah we should let the children bond

ROLLING THUNDER: can i bite?

Sugamama: no

Kitten: aw

Sugamama: kenma i never imagined you would do that?

Kitten: I'm behind a screen   
Kitten: also i don't have to run

Best Decoy: WOAH U ARE THE DUDE THAT HATES KAGEYAMA

die: uhm

Best Decoy: HI IM HINATA

die: oh yeah ig

beanpole: i hate him too

unironic milkman: bitch

die: oh that's who you are

best boi: tsukki be nice

beanpole: nah

Pink: lol "bonding"

Best Decoy: collectively hating on Kageyama

beanpole: I'm surprised you can spell that

Loser: so why are we here?

die: also love the chat name

Best Decoy: IRS A VOYLEYBAL CGAT

beanpole: why do i bother

ROLLING THUNDER: no we just chill and joke around

Kitten: oh yeah sorry about the name  
Kitten: i had too much coffee lmao

iwachan: are you ok?

Kitten: no

beanpole: no

die: no

unironic milkman: no

Best Decoy: WEY IZ EVEYUNE SO SABD?

Dad: guys we have training and Hinata are you ok???

sushi incident: ILL TRANSLATE  
sushi incident: GET UR ASSES TO TRAINING OR UR RUNNING LAPS  
sushi incident: hinata its ok if ur late we love u

Best Decoy: SORI IM RIDTN mY BIAK nWO

Dad: don't crash

Sugamama: how did he do that

iwachan: did he type while riding a bike?

unironic milkman: don't die dumbass

Kitten: shoyo if you die i wont forgive you

best boi: ^^

Grand King: ^ no dying chibi-chan

Loser: idk u that well but ^^

beanpole: die lmao

best boi: TSUKKI

beanpole: not sorry

Jesus: please don't die we need you!!

Best Decoy: I MADE IT

unironic milkman: he fell off his bike twice

beanpole: pft

die: oh rip

Best Decoy: ITS OK   
Best Decoy: IT WAS ONLY ONCE BAKAGEYAMA

unironic milkman: we are right next to each other

Best Decoy: WELL I THINCjedsnjhecfdsCEFRT

beanpole: haha hes actually dead

Sugamama: KAGEYAMA WHAT DID U DO

beanpole: they are fighting over the phone

die: i place my bet on the shorty

Kitten: me too

Pinky: THE LITTLE ONE ALWAYS WINS

loser: idk but yeah GO #10

Sugamama: WHERE ARE YOU???

best boi: kageyama is now holding hinata's hands above his head

beanpole: rip kageyama won

die: damn

best boi: OH

ROLLING THUNDER: SHOYO HEADBUTT HIM HAHAHA

beanpole: they both fell down lol

Kitten: YES

loser: GET HIM

die: KILL HIM

beanpole: they realised their position

ROLLING THUNDER: shoyo jumped off him

best boi: haha they look like tomatoes

iwachan: oh god

Grand King: KUNIMI AND YAHABA TRAINING HAS STARTED

loser: why are you on your phone then

Grand King: laps for yahaba!

loser: sorry captain ;(

Grand King: jk 

die: lol what a bitch

Grand King: LAPS FOR KUNIMI

beanpole: no no he has a point

iwachan: haha

Grand King: IWA-CHAN!! THE ONE THING YOU LAUGH AT???

die: i have accomplished life

Dad: training has started hurry up

ROLLING THUNDER: COMINGGGG

Pink: so who won?

**try and control me bitch - 11:46 am**

Best Decoy: i did

weed brownies: haha

**try and control me bitch - 1:02 pm**

unironic milkman: wtf no i did

Sugamama: you are in class?

unironic milkman: oh  
unironic milkman: bye

**try and control me bitch - 5:34 pm**

Grand King: i never thought tobio-chan would text in class

beanpole: not like it matters hes almost as dumb as a dead fish

Sugamama: i would protect him  
Sugamama: but tru

ROLLING THUNDER: hes dumber than me and that's saying something

die: he was stupid as shit in middle school

unironic milkman: i swear I'm being targeted

Best Decoy: I THINK UR SORTA SMART KAGEYAMA

beanpole: you share the same brain cell

Smexy cat: this is sad

Kitten: didn't you both get held back from the training camp because of your tests?

unironic milkman: we don't talk about that

Grand King: hah idiot

Best Decoy: HEY I GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT

purest bean: yeah he put them one question off each time

die: that's the saddest story I've ever heard

sushi incident: it was very sad

weed brownies: the baby failed

Best Decoy: WHAT BABY????

Pinky: you

best boi: you are the baby

Best Decoy: BUT IM NOT!!!!!

beanpole: you are that small i cant tell anymore

Kitten: he is baby

Smexy cat: can agree  
Smexy cat: can also find someone else who agrees

Kitten: fuck no

Grand King: I'm confused

unironic milkman: don't add his second parents

Sugamama: second??

Best Decoy: BOKUTO-SAN AND AKAASHI-SAN

Smexy cat: they acted like his parents when his setter abandoned him

unironic milkman: I'm not his father i don't have to take care of him  
unironic milkman: i just wanted alone training?

Sugamama: oh yeah

ROLLING THUNDER: BOKUTO TRIED TO SMUGGLE HINATA INTO TOKYO

Sugamama: WHAT NOW

Grand King: as in like the dude from the top 5 aces??

Best Decoy: YEAH! MY SECOND DAD!!!! 

Smexy cat: do i add him now

Pink: i want to meet him :)

Kitten: no

beanpole: no

best boi: idk

Grand King: i wanna meet him!!!!

_Smexy cat has added Bokuto Koutarou to try and control me bitch!_

Bokuto Koutarou: oya? 

Smexy cat: oya oya?

beanpole: stfu

Best Decoy: DAD

Bokuto Koutarou: MY SON?

Best Decoy: MY TEACHER!!!

Bokuto Koutarou: MY DISCIPLE

weeb brownies: kinky

Sugamama: bokuto.

Bokuto Koutarou: ??

Sugamama: i heard you tried to smuggle hinata?

Bokuto Koutarou: are you suga???

Sugamama: yep :)

Bokuto Koutarou: oh

Smexy cat: bro i promise it wasn't me

Bokuto Koutarou: AKAASHI TOLD ME IT WAS A BAD IDEA I DIDNT DO IT OK

beanpole: wish you kinda did tho

Bokuto Koutarou: I SWEAR

Kitten: why 

Bokuto Koutarou: oh hi kenma  
Bokuto Koutarou: PLEASE DONT KILL ME KARASUNO MOM

Best Decoy: DONT KILL HIM PLEASE

Grand King: i haven't met him yet lemme meet him :(

weed brownies: yeh he sounds cool

Sugamama: only because hinata is protecting you

Bokuto Koutarou: YOUR THAT DUDE HINATA TOLD ME ABOUT

beanpole: *you're

Grand King: you talk about me chibi-chan?

Bokuto Koutarou: this is the guy you lost to hinata?

Best Decoy: HEY WE WON THE SECOND TIME

Bokuto Koutarou: I'm the one who taught him the feint uwu

die: well fuck you 

Bokuto Koutarou: :D

_Bokuto Koutarou changed their name to 'owl-sensei'_

Grand King: we could've won dammit

unironic milkman: but ya didnt

beanpole: was that a vine reference?

owl-sensei: oh you are the setter guy - you don't look like the type no offense

Best Decoy: I SHOWED HIM SOME

Sugamama: I'm proud

die: why weren't you like this in middle school? you could have been likeable

Grand King: you liked him when i was there

iwachan: and you hated him

unironic milkman: i still remember when you tried to hit me

Sugamama: OIKAWA YOU DID WHAT

Grand King: you're welcome (◕‿◕✰)

iwachan: still sorry about that kageyama

unironic milkman: its ok ig

Smexy cat: wait you actually tried to hit him?

Best Decoy: HA I WIN GRAND KING

Grand King: ???

Best Decoy: I SUCCEEDED IN HITTING HIM

sushi incident: don't talk about that 

beanpole: you gave Yachi trauma

Best Decoy: i said i was sorry (ﾟдﾟ；)

purest bean: its ok i forgive you

Grand King: good job chibi-chan!!! how much damage 

Best Decoy: i grabbed him before he threw me

Grand King: TOBIO-CHAN WTF

weed brownie: woah woah woah

unironic milkman: sorry

beanpole: you arent tho

owl-sensei: i remember that

Smexy cat: yeah kenma hated playing against you when that happened

Kitten: they wouldn't look at each other

Best Decoy: BUT ITS OK NOW :D

Sugamama: yeah and we did great

sushi incident: but i win because i got to hit both of you 

ROLLING THUNDER: i still cant believe you hit our kohais

sushi incident: they were going at it tho

Pinky: damn i wish i saw it

iwachan: do you two just always fight?

loser: you were beating each other up in our games lmao

Sugamama: what about that dude you slammed against the wall  
Sugamama: that was you right??

Smexy cat: kinky

loser: idk what you mean obv not me

best boi: you two were very close

Pinky: Oh! his boyfriend 

weed brownies: that was definitely him

loser: SHUT THE FUCK UP HE IS NOT

Best Decoy: who was it?

weed brownies: well maybe

Pinky: we should

Grand King: ADD HIM

owl-senpai: DO IT

ROLLING THUNDER: I WANT TO MEET THE BOYFRIEND

Kitten: is this a good idea

weed brownies: he is coming :)

die: lmao

loser: SENPAI PLEASE NO PLEASE ILL DO ANYTHING 

_weed brownies added Kyotani Kentaro to try and control me bitch!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also sorta thinking this is like the start of season 4ish???


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "sushi incident" - u find out what it means >:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinata: Best decoy  
> Kageyama: unironic milkman  
> Tsukishima: beanpole  
> Yamaguchi: best boi  
> Suga: Sugamama  
> Daichi: Dad  
> Asahi: Jesus  
> Noya: ROLLING THUNDER  
> Tanaka: sushi incident  
> Kinoshita: fuck you  
> Narita: fuck you 2  
> Ennoshita: captain jr  
> Yachi: pure bean  
> Kiyoko: Queen  
> Kenma: Kitten  
> Kuroo: Smexy cat  
> Oikawa: Grand King  
> Iwaizumi: iwachan  
> Makki: Pinky  
> Mattsun: weed brownies  
> Yahaba: loser  
> Kunimi: die  
> Bokuto: owl-sensei  
> Kyotani: mad dog  
> Akaashi: ...  
> Terushima: fuccboi  
> Yaku: shortangery cat > Short&Angery  
> Lev: russianboyo

Kyotani Kentaro: uhm what the fuck

Sugamama: no swearing

beanpole: fuck

ROLLING THUNDER: shit

Smexy cat: pussy

Kitten: ass

Pinky: mother fucking

best boi: damn

weed brownies: bitch

Sugamama: Hinata shut ur eyes

Dad: hinata don't look

Grand King: chibi-chan avert your eyes

unironic milkman: idiot don't say that stuff

Best Decoy: HEY I KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN

Kyotani Kentaro: I'm still here?

Loser: fuck you

Grand King: if you're suggesting

Pinky: go ahead

weed brownies: haha do it

Loser: GODDAMMIT I WILL KILL YOU STOP

Grand King: you wouldn't hurt your beautiful captain

Loser: i can still kill the other two right?

Grand King: green light

Kyotani Kentaro: wtf is this

_Grand King changed Kyotani Kentaro's name to 'mad dog'_

mad dog: oh its you

Grand King: oH iTs yOu shut up

Best Decoy: WHO IS THIS???

Pinky: the one who wanted to kill everyone

Loser: the bitch i pinned against the wall

Smexy cat: (kinky)

Best Decoy: OH UR SPIKES WERE SO COOL  
Best Decoy: LIKE BAM!!!!!!!

mad dog: thanks?

unironic milkman: dumbass shut up

beanpole: for once i agree

ROLLING THUNDER: a miracle

sushi incident: there really is a god

ROLLING THUNDER: yeah asahi's dad

Jesus: ???

best boi: i cant believe it

beanpole: Yamaguchi i will take your switch

best boi: Tsukki i will take your dino plushie

beanpole: haha sike

Smexy cat: OH???

Kitten: ur a monster don't take his switch

Grand King: i agree don't do that glasses-chan

beanpole: fuck you too

Grand King: i mean if ur asking

iwa chan: STFU SHITTYKAWA

Sugamama: don't touch my babies

Best Decoy: i don't get it?

Sugamama: its ok sweetie

Grand King: chill its a joke

owl-sensei: DONT TOUCH TSUKKI

beanpole: don't call me that

owl-sensei: I WILL RELEASE AKKGAAESHI ON YOU

Grand King: who now

Kitten: i guess you want to die

Smexy cat: oh no

unironic milkman: ??

Best Decoy: akaashi!

owl-sensei: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT AGKESAHI  
owl-sensei: AKAAAASGSHI IS BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE HIM  
owl-sensei: NO ONE CAN REPLACE HIM

_Best Decoy added Akaashi Keiji to try and control me bitch_

owl-sensei: HE IS THE MOST PRETTY BEING IN THE WORLD  
owl-sensei: YOU WILL BE BLESSED WHEN YOU SEEE HIM

Grand King: ok sheesh im sorry

owl-sensei: nYOU BETTER BE OR ILL KILL YOU

Akaashi Keiji: Bokuto-san?

Smexy cat: oh shit

Kitten: im sorry akaashi

owl-sensei: AKGEASSHI I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE HERE

Pink: interesting 

Akaashi Keiji: Hinata, why did you add me to this chat?

Best Decoy: SORRY AKAASHI-SAN BOKUTO SAID HE LOVES YOU AND I ALSO THINK YOUR PRETTY :D

Akaashi Keiji: Thank you Hinata

Sugamama: Akaashi!! 

Akaashi Keiji: Oh, hello Suga-san.

Grand King: so this is akaashi?? hi!  
Grand King: bokuto got mad i didn't know who you were

owl-sensei: he is amazing 

**try and control me bitch - 6:10 pm**

ROLLING THUNDER: oh yeah!!!! GUYS  
ROLLING THUNDER: I saw this thing and it was like "what setter would you save from drowning??'  
ROLLING THUNDER: no offense i choose suga

Smexy cat: like all setters??

ROLLING THUNDER: yeh!

mad dog: not oikawa

Best Decoy: I CANT CHOOSE ONE? THEY ARE ALL GREAT

unironic milkman: i cant swim

Best Decoy: OK I SAVE KAGEYAMA

owl-sensei: akaashi

Smexy cat: kenma

Kitten: no let me drown

iwa chan: i would save oikawa

Grand King: OMG U DO LOVE ME!!!

iwa chan: your flat ass couldn't keep you afloat

Pinky: GOTTEM

Sugamama: the shade

weed brownies: OH DAMNNNNNN SONNNN

mad dog: lmao

Kitten: hahahhaha

unironic milkman: haha true

Loser: NO I WOULD SAVE YOU OIKAWA

Grand King: i feel attacked  
Grand King: AND DONT TALK ABOUT MY ASS

iwa chan: so you're not denying it

Akaashi Keiji: Bokuto-san has a great ass

owl-sensei: WNCHEBCHJRFBECD

Sugamama: i would say the same thing about daichi

Dad: um

unironic milkman: no comment

beanpole: dont lie

best boi: yeah you stare at [redacted]'s ass all the time

purest bean: i second that 

unironic milkman: yamaguchi  
unironic milkman: dont you... stare at... you know

best boi: oh jokes

Best Decoy: OH KAGEYAMA DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH????????

beanpole: this idiot

Sugamama: to say im disappointed is an understatement

Grand King: really??

owl-sensei: hinata...

Kitten: bokuto dont say it

Smexy cat: SAY NOTHING

owl-sensei: I SAID NOTHING?

Best Decoy: no!!! its ok :DDD

Kitten: jesus

Jesus: I've been summoned  
Jesus: oh

unironic milkman: ???

beanpole: you guys are so dumb

Sugamama: oh no

iwa chan: are you guys really that oblivious?

Dad: they are

Grand King: should we???

Sugamama: we have already tried

Kitten: i should then

Best Decoy: i will never forgive you

Pink: the angst

weed brownies: the pining

ROLLING THUNDER: lmao

Best Decoy: kageyama i like you!!!

Sugamama: wrong chat bb

Kitten: wrong chat shoyo

Grand King: oop-

Best Decoy: HAHAHA WHOOPS  
Best Decoy: how do i delete messages

beanpole: my god

unironic milkman: wait really?

ROLLING THUNDER: you guys are stupid af 

Best Decoy: YES BAKAGEYAMA

unironic milkman: i like you too dumbass

beanpole: right in front of my salad?

Grand King: its actually cute tho

iwa chan: congrats ig

Sugamama: FUCKING FINALLY

ROLLING THUNDER: oh no he's broken

Dad: not in front of the children

best boi: so i dont have to keep the secret anymore

unironic milkman: no keep that secret to your grave

sushi incident: i wanna know

unironic milkman: then tell us about your name

sushi incident: ok no

unironic milkman: pussy

ROLLING THUNDER: he got you bro

owl-sensei: damn

sushi incident: if i tell you will you tell me?

unironic milkman: no promises

best boi: but i want to know

Best Decoy: ME TOO

Sugamama: i still haven't been informed

sushi incident: ha i did it on private chat

unironic milkman: that really happened?

ROLLING THUNDER: HE TOLD YOU

unironic milkman: so he got embarrassed in front of a cute girl and choked on the sushi so hard rice came out of his nose?  
unironic milkman: in front of the girl?

Fuck off: yes

Sugamama: AHAHAHHAA

Fuck you 2: i have pics

Dad: i want them

Jesus: me too

Grand King: that's sad 

sushi incident: you wanted this kageyama

unironic milkman: WAIT NO I TAKE IT BACK

Grand King: no spill his secrets

owl-sensei: do it 

die: i could always use some dirt on kageyama

beanpole: i already know but im surprised Yamaguchi hasn't cracked yet

best boi: im a good friend!!!

weed brownies: DO IT MAN

unironic milkman: please ill do anything dont tell them

sushi incident: anything?

ROLLING THUNDER: anything you say??

sushi incident: ok guys what should we do

weed brownies: make him wear the girls uniform

Best Decoy: I WANT TO KNOW THE SECRET!!!!

Pinky: make him quit volleyball

ROLLING THUNDER: dUdE

unironic milkman: i take back my last statement

sushi incident: fine   
sushi incident: but

unironic milkman: but what

sushi incident: ill tell suga and only suga

Sugamama: i like that plan

Dad: why not me??

Best Decoy: :(((

sushi incident: its better this way

unironic milkman: i haven't even agreed yet

sushi incident: its too late

Grand King: rip

**try and control me bitch - 7:02 pm**

Sugamama: OMG WHAT THE FUCK KAGEYAMA

Dad: its that bad??

Sugamama: KAGEYAAMAFJERWC XE YOU TOLD YAMAGUCHI THIS?

unironic milkman: it was once  
unironic milkman: remind me why i told you yamaguchi

best boi: you freaked out

beanpole: yeah you ran to him and was like "HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS HAPPEN"

Kitten: i want to know now

Akaashi Keiji: I think it is best to leave Kageyama alone

unironic milkman: thank you akaashi-san

owl-sensei: so you dont want to know?

Akaashi Keiji: i do   
Akaashi Keiji: i just feel the need to protect him

Best Decoy: KAGEYAMA TELL ME!!!!!  
Best Decoy: IM UR BOYFRIEND NOW SO PLES TELL ME

beanpole: ahaha as much as i want to tell you ..... no

best boi: nope

unironic milkman: no

Sugamama: never

sushi incident: to my grave

Best Decoy: HOW COME I CANT KNOW?????

Kitten: is it something inappropriate 

Sugamama: yes

Grand King: i have a feeling i know

Smexy cat: hm

ROLLING THUNDER: will it ruin his innocence?

beanpole: most definitely so

Pinky: tell us then!!!

weed brownies: i still want to know

die: me too please

Jesus: God requests answers

ROLLING THUNDER: lmao

unironic milkman: god would already know

Sugamama: hmmmMMMmMm

sushi incident: shit u rite

beanpole: nasty

mad dog: i came for like an hour  
mad dog: and then came back  
mad dog: what is this shit show

Loser: then leave

iwa chan: im not sure oikawa would let you

Best Decoy: nobody leaves. 

Sugamama: ominous 

ROLLING THUNDER: shoyo is fucking scary when he wants to be

unironic milkman: you should have seen him when he met ushiwaka

Sugamama: in the game????

Best Decoy: no i told him we would win before!!!!! AND WE DID

die: lmao you did what

Best Decoy: BEFORE THE GAMES WE WENT TO THE SCHOOL

Grand King: you willingly went to the school?

Dad: i heard about this

ROLLING THUNDER: you actually did that????

unironic milkman: he stared at him for a while it was creepy

beanpole: I'm surprised he didn't piss himself

Kitten: sorry shoyo but true

Best Decoy: I JUMPED IN FRONT OF HIM AND HE GOT MAD >:DD

Grand King: haha

sushi incident: and u arent dead?

weed brownies: oml i wish i could do that

iwa chan: no you dont

weed brownies: but ushiwaka is a hot piece of ass ngl

Pinky: ^

Sugamama: ^^

ROLLING THUNDER: ^^^

best boi: ^^^^

Best Decoy: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

Grand King: NO WHAT HES NOT HOT

Sugamama: u lying tho

Dad: suga........

Sugamama: HEY wheres the lie???

Smexy cat: he ain't lying

owl-sensei: ushiwaka is pretty cool

Grand King: SHUT UP NO

iwa chan: haha u wont admit it

Grand King: WTF

Loser: sorry senpai but he isn't wrong

mad dog: i have to agree

die: a miracle

Grand King: EVERYONE STOP

iwa chan: get over it

Best Decoy: WHAT HAPPENED???

weed brownies: LMAO WE SHOULD SAY IT

Pinky: "IWA-CHAN" THE FINAL BLOW

Grand King: he wouldn't 

Dad: do it iwaizumi

Sugamama: i want to see this

unironic milkman: ruin his life

iwa chan: you...

Grand King: no

iwa chan: you should have...

Grand King: NONNONONONONONONONONO

iwa chan: you should have come to shiratorizawa

_Grand King left the chat_

ROLLING THUNDER: lmao flight or fight 

unironic milkman: what a bitch

Pinky: F in the chat

weed brownies: F

Kitten: F

Dad: F

Sugamama: F

iwa chan: F

die: F

mad dog: F

beanpole: F

best boi: F

ROLLING THUNDER: F

unironic milkman: F

Loser: F

Akaashi Keiji: F

owl-sensei: F

Best Decoy: :0 ??

Smexy cat: F

Jesus: F

sushi incident: F

Best Decoy: hey! why is everyone being mean to grand king??

iwa chan: deserves it

unironic milkman: felt like it

mad dog: idc

beanpole: bitch

Kitten: idk

Best Decoy: IM ADDING HIM BACK

Sugamama: aw

Dad: how do you even have his number??

unironic milkman: that's a good question

_Best Decoy added Oikawa Tooru to try and control me bitch_

_Best Decoy changed Oikawa Tooru's name to 'Grand King'_

Grand King: guess whos back  
Grand King: back again

iwa chan: shut up

Best Decoy: i GET EVERYONE'S NUMBERS :DDDD

Dad: what????

Best Decoy: I CAN SHOW YOU

Sugmama: wait no

Dad: how many people??

_Best Decoy has added Haiba Lev, Terushima Yuuji +4 more to try and control me bitch_

Best Decoy: not that many now that everyone is here :(

Haiba Lev: OH HINATA WHATS THIS

Best Decoy: ITS A GROUP CHAT!!! :DDD

Haiba Lev: WoWWWW HIIIII

Dad: there's two

Yaku Morisuke: stfu lev

_Haiba Lev changed Yaku Morisuke's name to 'shortangery cat'_

shortangery cat: well

Smexy cat: omg we match

shortangry cat: lev change it

_Haiba Lev changed shortangery cat to 'Short &Angery'_

_Haiba Lev changed their name to 'russianboyo'_

Kitten: your funeral

russianboyo: he couldn't reach anyway

Short&Angery: and im on my way to your house

russianboyo: WAIT WHAT????

Grand King: you have a lot of contacts chibi-chan

Terushima Yuuji: woaaahhh dude

Best Decoy: hello!!!!

Terushima Yuuji: mini spiderman!!!

Dad: johzenji's captain?

Terushima Yuuji: the one and only

_beanpole changed Terushima Yuuji's name to 'fuccboi'_

fuccboi: i should be offended but meh

beanpole: just saying

sushi incident: the dude who tried to get kiyoko's number >:(((

ROLLING THUNDER: SQUARE UP

fuccboi: i ended up getting the little dudes number instead

unironic milkman: hey now

Sugamama: lol calm down kageyama

Nakashima Takeru: whats this?

Best Decoy: hello little giant guy!!!

Dad: how?

Nakashima Takeru: oh hi

Futakuchi Kenji: um

Best Decoy: DATE CAPTAIN!!!! IM KARASUNOS #10 I GOT UR NUMBER

Futakuchi Kenji: oh hi little dude  
Futakuchi: i probably wont text on this much but hi

Nakashima Takeru: ah me too

Kitten: does he flirt with everyone??

Best Decoy: whats that?

Sugamama: oblivious bb

Best Decoy: I JUST mAKE FRIENDS AND GET THEIR NUMBERS :DDDDDD

Sugamama: oml

Best DEcoy: i didn't get ushiwaka's number tho :(

Grand King: good

unironic milkman: good

Smexy cat: this is... just wow

ROLLING THUNDER: shoyo ur like an angel

best boi: nobody can turn down his cuteness

unironic milkman: ...

fuccboi: omg ur the jealous boyfriend arent u?????

beanpole: haha

fuccboi: the angry setter dude who glared at me when i hit him in the face

beanpole: GOLD

Kitten: wow he be mad tho

Pinky: nobody can look at his boyfriend lol

unironic milkman: attacked 

Grand King: YOU HIT HIM IN THE FACE AHAHHAHA

fuccboi: i was so hot he got a nosebleed

Grand King: PFTTTTT

ROLLING THUNDER: shoyo thot he would die

Best Decoy: WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THOT

Sugamama: hey just the spelling

iwa chan: dont let shittykawa corrupt you

Grand King: I WASNT GONNA TELL HIM

Kitten: you better not

russianboyo: OMG GUYS YAKU IS ACTUALLY AT MY HOUSE REVHCYGRUEHJDWBCDISCKB

Smexy cat: oof

owl-sensei: yaku is scary

Kitten: well rip lev ig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip tanaka and his chance with that cute girl


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata: Best decoy  
> Kageyama: unironic milkman  
> Tsukishima: beanpole  
> Yamaguchi: best boi  
> Suga: Sugamama  
> Daichi: Dad  
> Asahi: Jesus  
> Noya: ROLLING THUNDER  
> Tanaka: sushi incident  
> Kinoshita: fuck you  
> Narita: fuck you 2  
> Ennoshita: captain jr  
> Yachi: pure bean  
> Kiyoko: Queen  
> Kenma: Kitten  
> Kuroo: Smexy cat  
> Oikawa: Grand King  
> Iwaizumi: iwachan  
> Makki: Pinky  
> Mattsun: weed brownies  
> Yahaba: loser  
> Kunimi: die  
> Bokuto: owl-sensei  
> Kyotani: mad dog  
> Akaashi: ...  
> Terushima: fuccboi  
> Yaku: Short&Angery  
> Lev: russianboyo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hinata bout to pop off

**try and control me bitch - 5:02 pm**

beanpole: haha

Dad: Tsukishima, don't

Sugamama: hes angry leave him alone

Grand King: what happened??

unironic milkman: haha

beanpole: lol

Best Decoy: FUCK BOTH OF YOU  
Best Decoy: FUCKING BITCH ASS HOES

Grand King: oh

fuccboi: woah woah woahhhhhh

Kitten: SHOYO

owl-sensei: i never imagined this day would come 

Best Decoy: GO FUCKING DIE IN A HOLE

beanpole: lmao

ROLLING THUNDER: ITS OK SHOYO CALM DOWN

Best Decoy: bitches

Sugamama: I'm dying  
Sugamama: you all did this to him

Pinky: the little one finally lost it

Smexy cat: he's been possessed

Best Decoy: ill fucking destroy you both

unironic milkman: please don't hurt me

beanpole: like you could reach

Best Decoy: you'll see >:(

beanpole: the top of your head?

die: I'm confused

Best Decoy: and no kisses for a month KAGEYAMA

unironic milkman: what no

fuccboi: oh he's going there

Grand King: here lies Tobio-chan

unironic milkman: hinata? :(

Kitten: what made him lose it??

Sugamama: he didn't get into a training camp

owl-sensei: hinata you are always welcome at fukorodani!!!!!!

Best Decoy: really????? :D

Sugamama: no

Akaashi Keiji: Bokuto-san, he cant

best boi: i didn't get in either

owl-sensei: U BOTH CAN COME

Sugamama: NO

Best Decoy: YEAH :DDDDD

Dad: Hinata

ROLLING THUNDER: FOLLOW UR DREAMS BB CROW

Dad: Nishinoya. 

ROLLING THUNDER: i mean train hard with us heh

sushi incident: don't be sad!!! u get to train with your senpai!!!!

owl-sensei: ILL GET TO SEE U AT NATIONALS :D

weed brownies: i have some brownies if that will make u feel better

Sugamama: WHAT

Best Decoy: i like brownies!!!

Grand King: MATTSUN DONT U DARE

iwa chan: ill kill you mattsun

weed brownies: what, I'm just giving him brownies?

Pinky: they always make me feel better

Smexy cat: i want to meet you two

Pinky: lets eat brownies together

fuccboi: can i come?

Pinky: yeh where u at?

fuccboi: send me the address

Best Decoy: can i come???

Sugamama: absolutely not

owl-sensei: no

Akaashi Keiji: Hinata, I would advise you don't go

iwa chan: don't 

unironic milkman: nonononono

Pinky: XX XXXXX street

Best Decoy: I'm riding my bike!!!!

Grand King: WTF

Smexy cat: damn that's hours away 

Kitten: shoyo no

Best Decoy: I SEE U

weed brownies: damn you fast on a bike

Sugamama: HINATA NO

Dad: EFJVRCHEFJDNCJIENDX

ROLLING THUNDER: TANAKA LETS GO

sushi incident: WOOOOO

fuccboi: OMG HI GUYS

iwa chan: WHAT

Grand King: WHERE ARE YOU

Sugamama: I NEED TO PICK HIM UP

Dad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

owl-sensei: HINATA????

Smexy cat: oh god

Jesus: HINATA COME BACK

Sugamama: IM KILLING THEM

sushi incident: i see u guys

Pinky: COME ON WE NEED TO LEAVE BEFORE WE ARE CAUGHT

Grand King: GUYS WHERE ARE YOu

unironic milkman: HINATA COME BACK

best boi: oh lord

Queen: Hinata, we need you for training, don't eat them, please

Sugamama: HINATA RESPOND

Dad: HINATA  
Dad: NISHINOYA  
Dad: TANAKA

Jesus: guys don't do it

Smexy cat: they're gone

Sugamama: NONONONONONONONO

Grand King: its ok im there now

iwa chan: that's not a good thing

russianboyo: can i go too??

Smexy cat: he lives

Sugamama: i thought you died

Short&Angery: no lev you cannot, we live in Tokyo

russianboyo: ill catch a train

Short&Angery: and ill kick your ass

russianboyo: not if im on the train

Kitten: lev wtf are you doing  
Kitten: we already lost shoyo

Smexy cat: as your captain i forbid you to go

russianboyo: ;-;

**try and control me bitch - 6:37 pm**

Best Decoy: THE BROWNIES WERE RLLY GOOD

Sugamama: no  
Sugamama: not like this

Best Decoy: WE ALSO GOT COOKIES

Dad: cookies?

Best Decoy: THE BROWNIES WERE THE BEST THO

weed brownies: my mom is a great cook

Dad: you didn't corrupt him right

ROLLING THUNDER: their not wrong, the cookies were great

beanpole: *they're

fuccboi: i liked the cupcakes

Sugamama: so you didn't...?

Pinky: what did you think we were doing karasuno mom?

weed brownies: how irresponsible do you think we are?

mad dog: should i answer that question?

die: im more mature than you freaks

Pinky: hey :(

Sugamama: thank god

fuccboi: the weed was great too

Sugamama: THE WHAT

owl-sensei: HINATA

Best Decoy: I DONT REMEMBER ANY WEED???

sushi incident: (the crayons)

Best Decoy: OH YEAH  
Best Decoy: WE PLAYED WITH WEED

Dad: HINATA WHAT

unironic milkman: YOU DUMBASS

Best Decoy: angry colouring made me feel better

Pinky: he is an artist

ROLLING THUNDER: like the colours he used

weed brownies: exquisite 

Grand King: masterpieces were made

Best Decoy: rant sessions are great :D

unironic milkman: so you ranted to strangers and ate... sweets?

Pinky: rude

weed brownies: we are his new best friends idk what you mean

Grand King: bff's

fuccboi: yeah he loves us

ROLLING THUNDER: suck on it kageyama shoyo loves us now

sushi incident: he ranted for a good 30 minutes  
sushi incident: ALSO DONT CALL UR SENPAIS STRANGERS

unironic milkman: sorry

Dad: at least you were responsible

Grand King: i was there! of course we were responsible!

iwa chan: ...

Sugamama: ...

die: ...

owl-sensei: i want to go to a rant session :(

Smexy cat: you rant to me everyday

owl-sensei: cause your my best friend

beanpole: you're*

Smexy cat: bro

owl-sensei: bro

Smexy cat: bro

owl-sensei: bro

Smexy cat: bro

owl-sensei: bro

**[cut for length]**

Akaashi Keiji: If you two don't shut up, Bokuto-san will be banned from his phone again

owl-sensei: bro...

Sugamama: i should do that

Short&Angery: i always have to take their phones away (kenma, lev, kuroo)

Kitten: you took my psp

Smexy cat: you wouldn't get off it

russianboyo: didn't you have a backup anyway?

Kitten: lev you fucker 

Short&Angery: what backup???

Kitten: nothing

russianboyo: but you showed me it

Smexy cat: this is new information

Kitten: lev stfu

Best Decoy: don't you have 3 psp's and a switch??

Kitten: SHOYO

Sugamama: damn i wish i was that rich

Grand King: （・∀・）

iwa chan: shut up

Short&Angery: kenma just don't bring it to training 

Kitten: you don't understand kuroo will take all of them

Smexy cat: i cant

russianboyo: why not senpai?

Smexy cat: last time i took his switch he hissed at me and kicked my knees

Short&Angery: deserved

Smexy cat: he refused to speak to me unless we were training

Dad: rip  
Dad: noya did i use that right?

ROLLING THUNDER: ur doing great dad

owl-sensei: egbhnynyhbtgrvfecdw

Smexy cat: his phone is finally being taken

sushi incident: fallen soldier

Grand King: im sorry for your loss

russianboyo: no one did this when i got kicked

Short&Angery: shut up lev they're in mourning

russianboyo: no one mourned for me

Best Decoy: ITS OK I MISSED YOU

unironic milkman: what about me

Best Decoy: still fuck you

Sugamama: he's actually gonna cry

best boi: don't cry kageyama!!!

Best Decoy: im not sorry

unironic milkman: you still love me though?? right???

Dad: aw buddy

Sugamama: of course he does

Grand King: lmao

iwa chan: SHUT UP SHITTYKAWA

Best Decoy: ...yes

beanpole: ew

die: that's cute and all but i want to see kageyama cry

Grand King: ^ lol

Sugamama: don't hurt our child!

ROLLING THUNDER: what about when hinata cried

Best Decoy: HEYY

sushi incident: dudeeeee

Grand King: well...

Pinky: what is said in the rant circle stays in the rant circle

fuccboi: secrets

ROLLING THUNDER: oh sorry shoyo

Best Decoy: ITS OK SENPAI!!!!

best boi: i wish i went 

beanpole: no you don't

unironic milkman: you cried?

Best Decoy: NO

Dad: did you?

Best Decoy: NO

purest bean: you cried hinata?

Best Decoy: NO

owl-sensei: its ok my disciple

Best Decoy: NO I DIDNT CRY

Sugamama: would you like a hug?

Best Decoy: yes please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the support it makes me rlly happy :DDDD
> 
> here is some love for everyone (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡♡♡♡♡


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the bois go to training camp 
> 
> [season 4 spoilers ig] 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinata: Best decoy  
> Kageyama: unironic milkman  
> Tsukishima: beanpole  
> Yamaguchi: best boi  
> Suga: Sugamama  
> Daichi: Dad  
> Asahi: Jesus  
> Noya: ROLLING THUNDER  
> Tanaka: sushi incident  
> Kinoshita: fuck you  
> Narita: fuck you 2  
> Ennoshita: captain jr  
> Yachi: pure bean  
> Kiyoko: Queen  
> Kenma: Kitten  
> Kuroo: Smexy cat  
> Oikawa: Grand King  
> Iwaizumi: iwachan  
> Makki: Pinky  
> Mattsun: weed brownies  
> Yahaba: loser  
> Kunimi: die  
> Bokuto: owl-sensei  
> Kyotani: mad dog  
> Akaashi: ...  
> Terushima: fuccboi  
> Yaku: Short&Angery  
> Lev: russianboyo  
> Atsumu: tsumu

**try and control me bitch - 9:10 am**

beanpole: WHAT THE FUCK  
beanpole: WHAT THE FUCK  
beanpole: WHAT THE FUCK  
beanpole: WHAT THE FUCK

Grand King: lmao what

die: he actually-

Sugamama: HINATA WHERE ARE YOU

Dad: no no no

beanpole: THIS DEVIL OF A CHILD

die: found him

ROLLING THUNDER: OMG HE DID IT?? AHAHAH

Sugamama: WHAT THE HECK  
Sugamama: HINATA GET BACK HERE

die: he's talking to the coach  
die: the coach looks annoyed lol

beanpole: i don't want to be here

Grand King: kunimi?? he's at the training camp???

die: yea

Sugamama: sigh

**try an** **d control me bitch - 10:23 am**

beanpole: they are letting him stay

die: i don't mind him

beanpole: oh no you will find out

Best Decoy: :DDDD

owl-sensei: go hinata!!!!

Akaashi Keiji: Bokuto-san.

Sugamama: HINATA

Dad: You are in big trouble

Best Decoy: :(((((

unironic milkman: what did he do?

Sugamama: he broke into training camp oml

unironic milkman: i could have packed him in my bag

Sugamama: KAGEYAMA

Pinky: he actually did that?

beanpole: unfortunately

weed brownies: the rant session helped open his mind to new possibilities 

Sugamama: kageyama did you arrive safely?

unironic milkman: yes  
unironic milkman: the courts are not wood

sushi incident: is that all?

unironic milkman: its cool

Grand King: why

Loser: karasuno is chaos

weed brownies: we should have gone there 

Pinky: sounds fun

Grand King: and leave me??? :((

mad dog: considering

Grand King: WHY DO U JUST POP OUT OF NOWHERE?

iwa chan: he's avoiding you

Grand King: why

best boi: I'm the only first-year left now :////

Sugamama: just proves your amazing skills with your senpai (hinata you are in BIG trouble)

Best Decoy: the 2m tall dude is here 

Dad: ...

Best Decoy: OMG THE TALL SETTER GUY :DD

Futakchi Kenji: oh that's my boi

Best Decoy: HES SO COOL!!

Sugamama: *face palm

beanpole: save us all

**try an** **d control me bitch - 10:23 am**

unironic milkman: hello!!!!!

Grand King: tobio-chan?

Best Decoy: that is not kageyama

Kitten: ?

unironic milkman: that would be correct  
unironic milkman: I'm a guy at the training camp

Best Decoy: COOL :D

unironic milkman: so whats this?

Best Decoy: A VOLLEYBALL GC!!!

unironic milkman: can i add myself??

Grand King: sure thing

Sugamama: I'm happy to know kageyama made friends!!!

Best Decoy: ooo

unironic milkman: YASSS

_unironic milkman added Miya Atsumu to try and control me bitch_

Grand King: miya atsumu??? the best setter???

unironic milkman: yessir

Best Decoy: WOAHHHH

unironic milkman: YEAechfebdcsxnj

Grand King: oh no he's coming back

unironic milkman: what happened?

Miya Atsumu: sup bitches

Best Decoy: woahhh so cool!!!

Pinky: i like him

ROLLING THUNDER: ^

weed brownies: ^^

Loser: ^^^

Miya Atsumu: so who is kageyama's background??  
Miya Atsumu: is he in the chat?

Sugamama: tbh i don't know what his screensaver is

ROLLING THUNDER: probably shoyo

Smexy cat: definitely

Best Decoy: MEEE

Miya Atsumu: you cute ;)

ROLLING THUNDER: he is isn't he

Kitten: agreed

Loser: even i say he's cute

owl-sensei: anyone who doesn't think that can go stuff themselves

Sugamama: our hinata is very cute

Best Decoy: THANKS

unironic milkman: can everyone lay off?

Kitten: haha he's jealous

Miya Atsumu: aw cmonnn

unironic milkman: you are sitting a meter away from me, i will kill you

Miya Atsumu: that would be highly illegal!  
Miya Atsumu: do it

Grand King: no miya kill him

Miya Atsumu: call me atsumu!! i will not be mistaken as my brother

_Miya Atsumu changed their name to 'tsumu'_

Best Decoy: OOO YOU HAVE A BROTHER I HAVE A SISTER

Grand King: ur twin right?

tsumu: yeaaaaa

Sugamama: I'm very happy u are kageyamas friend!

tsumu: haha cant say that about other people tho

Smexy cat: what did he do?

Pinky: weed?

Sugamama: no

'tsumu: you know Sakusa??

owl-sensei: #1!!!!

Grand King: top ace

Best Decoy: THE BESTEST ACE

tsumu: kageyama called him basic like right to his face

unironic milkman: i didn't??

tsumu: "more average than i expected"

Sugamama: HE DID??

Grand King: RIPPP

ROLLING THUNDER: of course he did lmaooo

Smexy cat: oof

Loser: he actually...?

weed brownies: damn son

owl-sensei: WOAH WOAHHH

Best Decoy: REALLY!!!

unironic milkman: he wasn't as strong as i expected

tsumu: i also got his number ;DDD

Best Decoy: COULD YOU ADD HIM???  
Best Decoy: I WOULD LIKE TO MEET HIM

Pinky: i want to meet the basic bitch

owl-sensei: I WANT TO SPEAK TO HIM

tsumu: heh

_tsumu added Sakusa Kiyoomi to try and control me bitch_

tsumu: he's gonna hate me

Grand King: really??

Best Decoy: WOAHH

tsumu: he's glaring at me

unironic milkman: don't make him mad at me

tsumu: pretty sure its too late for that bud

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Atsumu, what is this?

Best Decoy: WOAH HELLO BESTEST ACE

owl-sensei: HELLO SAKUSA

Sakusa Kiyoomi: hello?

Akaashi Keiji: I would like to apologize for them Sakusa-san

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Fukorodani's setter?

Sugamama: I would also like to say sorry, this chat is a mess you can probably leave

ROLLING THUNDER: WDYM ITS GREAT

Best Decoy: WHAT NO  
Best Decoy: EERUCWJBXEF

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Is he ok?

russianboyo: OH THE BEST ACE??  
russianboyo: IM AN ACE

Kitten: no u arent

Smexy cat: nope

Short&Angery: definitely not lev

Best Decoy: this is tsukishima, I'm saying good job for causing hinata to be yelled at  
Best Decoy: i enjoyed it

Sugamama: his fault for running away

tsumu: tobio-kun ur boyfriend ran away??? lol

unironic milkman: I'm right in front of you

Sakusa Kiyoomi: You have a boyfriend?

Grand King: we are all a little gay here

iwa chan: you are fully gay

Grand King: just a touch

weed brownies: no 100%

Loser: definitely so

Grand King: i cannot win, so i am gay

Sakusa Kiyoomi: I never would have guessed, actually

Sugamama: you should see him in his games (very obv staring)

Sakusa Kiyoomi: I haven't watched the Karasuno vs. Shiratorizawa match

Grand King: don't need to

iwa chan: you did

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Just like how I did not expect Ushijima-san to be gay

owl-sensei: HAHA WHAT

ROLLING THUNDER: OH???

Grand King: explains a lot actually 

Sugamama; really??

Loser: THE ushiwaka?

Smexy cat: my gaydar didn't read this

Pinky: i would have never guessed???

Sakusa Kiyoomi: I met his boyfriend a while ago

Kitten: would anyone know them?

Sugamama: I'm curious

Sakusa Kiyoomi: I think his name was Tendou

Grand King: HIM?????

weed brownies: i see it

ROLLING THUNDER: THE RED DUDE

Sugamama: they seem cute ngl

owl-sensei: IDK WHO THAT IS

Akaashi Keiji: Bokuto-san, please return to training.

owl-sensei: aw bye 

russianboyo: BYE BOKUTOSAN

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Bokuto Koutarou?

tsumu: the ace???

Sugamama: Yep! we have the most random people in here  
Sugamama: I'm the other setter from Karasuno!

Grand King: prettiest setter here

iwa chan: (not) (oikawa tooru)

Grand King: hey!

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Ushijima wanted you on his team

Grand King: so it seems

Smexy cat: OH ME NEXT

tsumu: LEMME GUESS

Smexy cat: DO IT

tsumu: hints hints

Smexy cat: i have black hair

tsumu: so many people have black hair??

Smexy cat: my name is related to my school

tsumu: ...

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Nekoma

Smexy cat: YES

tsumu: why are you so good at this?

Sakusa Kiyoomi: Are you perhaps the captain?

Smexy cat: HE GOT IT FIRST TRY???

tsumu: dammit

Short&Angery: you are just easy to read

Kitten: not that hard

Sugamama: tbh yeah

ROLLING THUNDER: hah rooster head

Smexy cat: MY HAIR IS GORGEOUS

Grand King: you sure?

iwa chan: well yours isn't so

Grand King: I SPEND HOURS ON MY HAIR  
Grand King: AND IT LOOKS GREAT

Loser: i think ur hair is fantastic oikawa-san

Grand King: my one lovable kohai

tsumu: we are being called back :(

Grand King: rip

tsumu: i will update if Tobio-kun does anything stupid

Sugamama: thank you

Pinky: BYE NEW FRIEND

ROLLING THUNDER: BAIIII

weed brownies: bye dudeee

Sugamama: noya daichis yelling we need to go

ROLLING THUNDER: shit

Smexy cat: haha

Kitten: coach is yelling at you

russianboyo: he wont find me >:D

Short&Angery: are you hiding in the storage closet again?

russianboyo: no...

Kitten: he is i checked

Short&Angery: I'm coming

Grand King: why weren't we like this?

Pinky: hm we were worse

iwa chan: *oikawa and his fan girls  
iwa chan: *makki and mattsun quoting vines  
iwa chan: *kindaichi trying to chase oikawa  
iwa chan: *watari and kunimi wanting to die

Loser: im glad im not on that list

iwa chan: *kyoutani and yahaba sexual tension

Loser: oh

weed brownies: fun times

Grand King: my fan girls were wonderful 

Pinky: iwa is just jealous

Grand King: awww

iwa chan: no I'm not

Grand King: i love you more than them <3

Pinky: haha he's not responding

weed brownies: give it a second

iwa chan: ...love you too

fuccboi: this chat is so gay

Grand King: when did you show up?

fuccboi: just now :)  
fuccboi: ima read back

Grand King: you should

Pinky: it was a journey

weed brownies: i cant believe he actually got to stay tho

iwa chan: i would say he deserves to be there 

Grand King: the shiratorizawa coach is a bitch

Pinky: amen

Loser: agreed

fuccboi: lmao he actually did that?  
fuccboi: AND NOW WE HAVE THE BEST SETTER AND ACE HERE?

weed brownies: yep

fuccboi: wow i should have been on 

Futakuchi Kenji: i was for a bit

Pinky: oh?

Futakuchi Kenji: i cant believe my setter has met hinata  
Futakuchi Kenji: there's two

Grand King: your setter?? the angry bird???

Futakuchi Kenji: he's doing his best ok

iwa chan: i would say its opposite Nishinoya

weed brownies: true

Futakuchi Kenji: i never realised that?? woah

fuccboi: i have no idea what he looks like :)

beanpole: can you guys stfu kunimi and i's phones are going crazy

fuccboi: then turn it on silent 

weed brownies: nothing can stop our spam

Grand King: NOTHING

iwa chan: would you like kunimi kicked out of the shiratorizawa training camp?

Grand King: should i answer that-

iwa chan: you dont

weed brownies: are we sureeeee

iwa chan: ...

Pinky: there is one thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> training camppppp >:D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata: Best decoy  
> Kageyama: unironic milkman  
> Tsukishima: beanpole  
> Yamaguchi: best boi  
> Suga: Sugamama  
> Daichi: Dad  
> Asahi: Jesus  
> Noya: ROLLING THUNDER  
> Tanaka: sushi incident  
> Kinoshita: fuck you  
> Narita: fuck you 2  
> Ennoshita: captain jr  
> Yachi: pure bean  
> Kiyoko: Queen  
> Kenma: Kitten  
> Kuroo: Smexy cat  
> Oikawa: Grand King  
> Iwaizumi: iwachan  
> Makki: Pinky  
> Mattsun: weed brownies  
> Yahaba: loser  
> Kunimi: die  
> Bokuto: owl-sensei  
> Kyotani: mad dog  
> Akaashi: ...  
> Terushima: fuccboi  
> Yaku: Short&Angery  
> Lev: russianboyo  
> Atsumu: tsumu  
> Sakusa: ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i disappeared for a while!!! my birds recently died and I've been pretty sad but I'm back now so!!! yayy
> 
> thank you for 100 kudos!! I'm actually so happyyyyyy

**try and control me bitch - 11:45 pm**

tsumu: is anyone on????

Sakusa Kiyoomi: no

tsumu: ok  
tsumu: wait

owl-sensei: IM ONNN

Akaashi Keiji: No you're not, go to bed

owl-sensei: haha not on

Best Decoy: IM AWAKE

tsumu: tobio-kun's boyfriend???

Best Decoy: THATS ME

tsumu: you sound fun

Sugamama: ...

Best Decoy: IM A VERY FUN PERSON

tsumu: yeaaaaa

Sugamama: dont touch him or ill kill you :D

tsumu: note taken

Best Decoy: ????

Sugamama: Hinata go to bed

Best Decoy: ok

Sugamama: good night

**try and control me bitch - 1:02 am**

Best Decoy: is he gone

Kitten: hinata what are you doing

tsumu: u actually stayed up??

Best Decoy: u wanted someone to talk to yeah??

tsumu: i do!!!  
tsumu: everyone at training camp is so boring :(((

Best Decoy: but they r all top players!!!!

tsumu: they dont like to have fun  
tsumu: your boyfriend goes to sleep so quick wtf

Best Decoy: hm true

sushi incident: lol hinata what r u doing

Best Decoy: talking???

ROLLING THUNDER: technically messaging

Best Decoy: OH  
Best Decoy: UR RIGHT SENPAI

ROLLING THUNDER: im always right

captain jr: no ur not

ROLLING THUNDER: WTF

sushi incident: another lurker

captain jr: go to bed u guys seriously

ROLLING THUNDER: why r u up???

captain jr: fuck

tsumu: this is amusing

captain jr: im goin to bed goodbye

ROLLING THUNDER: no come back

sushi incident: CHIKARAAAAAA

Best Decoy: he died

tsumu: RIP "captain jr"

Best Decoy: just like daichi 

ROLLING THUNDER: daichi is always in our memories

tsumu: wtf happened??

sushi incident: i didnt mean to murder our father

ROLLING THUNDER: he will be missed

Kitten: lol rip

tsumu: i didnt know him but im sorry for your loss

Best Decoy: he died before we even reached nationals :(

tsumu: oh yeahhhh  
tsumu: ill see u at nationals huh??

Best Decoy: YEAH

ROLLING THUNDER: shoyo do u have any idea what ur doing??

sushi incident: our innocent bean

pure bean: huh

tsumu: you have bean replaced

Sakusa Kiyoomi: atsumu shut up

sushi incident: he got u

pure bean: have i bean replaced :(

Best Decoy: NO YACHI U HAVENT

pure bean: it was a joke hinata

Best Decoy: oh SORRY

tsumu: welp i should actually sleep now

Best Decoy: ME TOO  
Best Decoy: COACH SAID I SHOULD SLEEP TO GET BETTER

pure bean: you do that hinata

Best Decoy: GOOD NIGHT BEST SETTER

tsumu: u can call me atsumu but yeah

Best Decoy: GOOD NIGHT ATSUMU-SAN

ROLLING THUNDER: shoyo is getting snatched lol

sushi incident: kageyama gon be mad 

pure bean: he is very protective

Queen: Hitoka, what are you doing up?

pure bean: oh

sushi incident: KIYOKOSANNN

ROLLING THUNDER: OUR QUEEN HAS AWAKEN

Queen: Please go to bed everyone

ROLLING THUNDER: WILL DO

sushi incident: YES

pure bean: sorry! going to bed now

Best Decoy: GOOD NIGHT

Queen: Good night everyone

**try and control me bitch - 8:17 am**

unironic milkman: wtf

beanpole: he saw it

Grand King: chibi-chan has moved on

best boi: rip

tsumu: oh hi tobio-kunnnnn

unironic milkman: where are you

tsumu: that's a secret ill never tell

Sakusa Kiyoomi: he's in the bathroom down the hall

unironic milkman: thanks

Sugamama: don't do anything i wouldn't do!!!

Dad: you would literally murder someone but ok

Jesus: your karate chops hurt very much

Sugamama: BONK

Jesus: don't hurt me

Sugamama: BONK

best boi: bonk 

Grand King: b o n k

russianboyo: bonk!!!

Sugamama: the council has decided

Jesus: no

Dad: sorry asahi they have decided

ROLLING THUNDER: i will protect you asahi!!!!!

Sugamama: will you?

ROLLING THUNDER: yes,,,  
ROLLING THUNDER: no i will watch from afar and laugh

Jesus: NOYA

unironic milkman: he's running away  
unironic milkman: suga i want to kill him

Sugamama: just clean up the blood sweetie

Sakusa Kiyoomi: I have cleaning products if you want to use them

tsumu: plotting murder???  
tsumu: right in front of me???

russianboyo: yaku does that to me

Grand King: people try very often to murder me

iwachan: and?

Grand King: makki has been in my room with a knife

Pinky: it was April fools

Grand King: it was November 

weed brownies: bold of you to assume we don't come in your room every night

Grand King: i hope the fuck you don't 

iwachan: hm

tsumu: any tips on how to live?

Sugamama: don't flirt with Hinata

Dad: never talk to Hinata again

Sakusa Kiyoomi: die

best boi: kageyama is scary T^T

Jesus: i would say he's already got you

russianboyo: i hide in the storage room

Grand King: go in front of adults!!!

tsumu: ^^ I'm going to use that thank you

unironic milkman: pussy

ROLLING THUNDER: lmaooo

beanpole: i actually wanted to see if he would do it tho

unironic milkman: in a heartbeat

Dad: don't you guys have training camps to get to????

Best Decoy: yeah

Dad: not you

Best Decoy: but i can stay tho

beanpole: no go away

Best Decoy: i am off to get more phone numbers

Sugamama: you do that honey

Best Decoy: THX MOM  
Best Decoy: wait

Grand King: oh-

Best Decoy: SUGA I MEANT SUGA

Sugamama: its ok!!!

ROLLING THUNDER: mom I'm gonna be late to training

Sugamama: try to get here as fast as possible

best boi: mom can we practice serves

Sugamama: we'll see!!!

russianboyo: mom?

Short&Angery: what

Smexy cat: that's sorta weird ngl-

Short&Angery: kuroo.

Smexy cat: haha

weed brownies: MOMMMM

Pinky: MAMAAAA

iwachan: I'm guessing that's me

weed brownies: MOMMYYY

Grand King: does that mean...

Pinky: heh

iwachan: nononononono

Grand King: it does!!!

weed brownies: oof

iwachan: NO NO NO

Grand King: IM THE DADDY

iwachan: shut. up. 

Pinky: DADDY CAN WE GO SHOPPING

Grand King: sure!!!

Pinky: yes 

weed brownies: daddy can i come

Grand King: yeah!!!  
Grand King: wait a damn minute

iwachan: oh god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pftttt i totally got inspiration from OHSHC


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata: Best decoy  
> Kageyama: unironic milkman  
> Tsukishima: beanpole  
> Yamaguchi: best boi  
> Suga: Sugamama  
> Daichi: Dad  
> Asahi: Jesus  
> Noya: ROLLING THUNDER  
> Tanaka: sushi incident  
> Kinoshita: fuck you  
> Narita: fuck you 2  
> Ennoshita: captain jr  
> Yachi: pure bean  
> Kiyoko: Queen  
> Kenma: Kitten  
> Kuroo: Smexy cat  
> Oikawa: Grand King  
> Iwaizumi: iwachan  
> Makki: Pinky  
> Mattsun: weed brownies  
> Yahaba: loser  
> Kunimi: die  
> Bokuto: owl-sensei  
> Kyotani: mad dog  
> Akaashi: ...  
> Terushima: fuccboi  
> Yaku: Short&Angery  
> Lev: russianboyo  
> Atsumu: tsumu  
> Sakusa: ...
> 
> ohoho you got it coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops this took a while to get out  
> sorry school has been a bitch but I'm here!!!!!  
> this chapter is sorta long so i hope that compensates lmao

**try and control me bitch - 8:57 pm**

tsumu: guysssssss

Smexy cat: whattttttttt

Grand King: ummmmmm

Kitten: shut the fuck upppppppp

tsumu: can we play truth or dare?

unironic milkman: ask other people

tsumu: everyone has refused :////

owl-sensei: ILL PLAY

Smexy cat: me too!!!

Best decoy: ME ME ME ME

Pinky: I'm down

weed brownies: let us reveal secrets

Grand King: YES

Akaashi Keiji: I will play because I am bored

Kitten: if akaashi says yes then ig

best boi: OH ILL PLAY

loser: ill play

tsumu: me firstttttt  
tsumu: uhm sugamama?

Sugamama: heyo

tsumu: truth or dare

Sugamama: gonna have to go with truth

Pinky: awwwwww

tsumu: ...shit idk  
tsumu: are you a virgin?

Best Decoy: whats that?

Kitten: this isn't your question

Akaashi Keiji: Don't worry

Sugamama: oh  
Sugamama: no lmao

tsumu: OHHHH

weed brownies: get sum

Smexy cat: you know i did not expect this

Sugamama: AHA IM NEXT

tsumu: i cant believe you responded omg

Sugamama: OIKAWA

Grand King: yo

Sugamama: truth or dare??

Grand King: i ain't no pussy  
Grand King: dare

weed brownies: oooooo

Sugamama: wear a dress or skirt (send the picture)

Grand King: oh that's better than i expected

Pinky: PICTURE PLEASE

Best Decoy: haha 

Grand King: bitches just let me say I'm rocking this

loser: oh no

Smexy cat: I WANNA SEE 

Grand King: [it wouldn't let me insert the image but - oikawa in a skirt]

Best decoy: woahhhh

tsumu: damn son

weed brownies: wow this is better than that one time

Pinky: true dat

Grand King: OKKKKK  
Grand King: TOBIO-CHAN

unironic milkman: I never said i was playing

Sugamama: aw come onnnnn

owl-sensei: yeahhhhhh come on setter-kunnnn

Best decoy: yamaaaaaa

unironic milkman: ...  
unironic milkman: fine

Grand King: T or D???

unironic milkman: you are probably gonna make me do some crazy shit  
unironic milkman: truth

Grand King: could you tell us what happened that one time?

unironic milkman: what time???

Grand King: the secret that freckles-chan had to keep

best boi: oof

unironic milkman: dare

Grand King: i dare you to tell us what happened

unironic milkman: shit

Grand King: FOR THE GAME TOBIO-CHAN

unironic milkman: i cannot say.

Grand King: may I ask freckles-chan??

best boi: well,,,

_unironic milkman removed Best Decoy from the chat_

best boi: oh so you will admit it??

unironic milkman: fuck you

tsumu: i am intrigued

Sakusa Kiyoomi: i am surprised you can spell that

tsumu: wtf when did you get here

captain jr: hurry up i want to find out the secret

fuccboi: dude shut up

fuck you: guys chill

fuck you 2: we need to find the secret

Smexy cat: woah i didn't know there were this many lurkers

unironic milkman: i cant say it

best boi: ITS PART OF THE DARE

beanpole: hurry the fuck up hinata is going to cry

die: guys he looks so sad hurry up

best boi: KAGEYAMAHADAWETDREAMANDDIDNTKNOWWHATTODOSOHEWENTTOMETOASKWHATITMEANT

tsumu: pftttttt

Sugamama: its normal but,,,  
Sugamama: HINATA

owl-sensei: ohhhhhh

Grand King: damn tobio-chan

unironic milkman: brb going to commit self-delete

beanpole: I now have a screenshot, thanks

Pinky: lmao

_weed brownies added Hinata Shouyou back into the try and control me bitch_

Hinata Shouyou: WHAT THE HECK KAGEYAMA

loser: oop

Hinata Shouyou: WHY DID YOU KICK ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Sugamama: woah woah calm down

Kitten: we agreed you wouldn't swear

Hinata Shouyou: I CANT EVEN READ PAST MESSAGES WHAT HAPPENED

tsumu: that was a great game of truth or dare

owl-sensei: aw i didn't get a go

Grand King: we found out the secret hah

unironic milkman: i will forever hate you and i would beat your ass  
unironic milkman: but im too busy getting scouted by japan bitch

Grand King: your words wound me

Hinata Shouyou: is no one gonna tell me

tsumu: nope

Sugamama: sorry...

Kitten: never

owl-sensei: uhmmmm

Akaashi Keiji: I won't

Hinata Shouyou: i now hate everyone except for mattsun and maybe oikawa

weed brownies: haha bitches

Pinky: BRO WE COLOURED TOGETHER

Hinata Shouyou: ... i accept makki too   
Hinata Shouyou: fuck everyone else

fuccboi: NEXT RANT CIRCLE ILL TELL YOU

Hinata Shouyou: terushima is now my best friend, i am moving to johzenji and will get a tongue piercing so we can match

fuccboi: AHHAH YES

Sugamama: HINATA

unironic milkman: DUMBASS DONT

best boi: don't leave!!!

beanpole: hah do it

captain jr: rip

Grand King: haha

unironic milkman: this is your fault oikawa  
unironic milkman: Yamaguchi please delete the message

best boi: you got itttt

_best boi deleted 1 message_

unironic milkman: now.

Grand King: ?

unironic milkman: @iwachan

Grand King: whats he gonna do???

iwachan: i was tagged in something?

unironic milkman: Iwaizumi-senpai Oikawa is being a bitch

tsumu: I DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE THIS PETTY

iwachan: was he really?

Grand King: WHAT NO I WASNT

weed brownies: can confirm

Pinky: watched it all play out

loser: no comment

Grand King: YAHABA I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE YOU THOT

loser: sorry oikawa-san

iwachan: im taking away Minecraft for a week

Kitten: ouch

Grand King: NO I DIDNT DO ANYTHING  
Grand King: I CANT LEAVE BUBBLE ALONE FOR A WEEK  
Grand King: AND TOORU JR WILL MISS ME

owl-sensei: who is that????

Grand King: MY CHICKEN AND MY DOG

owl-sensei: aw no

Smexy cat: dont sympathise with a villain

Akaashi Keiji: I don't understand why Oikawa-san is being attacked

Grand King: THANK YOU

unironic milkman: he made me spill my secret

weed brownies: felt like it lol

Pinky: haha he's a bitch

Grand King: GUYS

loser: i said nothing to make this happen

mad dog: its fun watching him suffer

Grand King: YO WTF

tsumu: i am glad of this outcome

Grand King: i have never met you  
Grand King: but i will destroy you

tsumu: sure you will

Grand King: i hate everyone here   
Grand King: it can't get worse than this  
Grand King: except if everyone ignores me  
Grand King: which is happening right now  
Grand King: guys?

Hinata Shouyou: where did they go?

Grand King: thank god

Hinata Shouyou: grand king!!!! i got new people!!!!

Grand King: did you now?

Hinata Shouyou: they are all really good at volleyball!!!

Grand King: who are they?

_Hinata Shouyou has added Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori +4 others to try and control me bitch_

Grand King: .

Pinky: OMG AHHAHAHAHA

weed brownies: OHHHHHHHH DAMNNNNNNN

_Grand King left the chat_

Tendou Satori: owo??  
Tendou Satori: little number 10??

Hinata Shouyou: that's me!!!

Shirabu Kenjirou: the fuck

tsumu: welcome to the gc

Tendou Satori: who just left?

Hinata Shouyou: Oikawa!!!

Tendou Satori: haha

Semi Eita: oh him

Ushijima Wakatoshi: What is this?

Tendou Satori: its a gc wakatoshi-kun!!!!

Ushijima Wakatoshi: What is a 'gc'?

fuccboi: a group chat dude

Goshiki Tsutomu: WOAH THERES SO MANY PEOPLE

Hinata Shouyou: oh!!!! im going to change my name back!

Tendou Satori: we can change our names huh

_Hinata Shouyou changed their name to 'Best decoy'_

_Tendou Satori changed their name to 'guess monster'_

_guess monster changed Ushijima Wakatoshi's name to 'farmer'_

_guess monster changed Semi Eita's name to 'semisemi'_

_guess monster changed Goshiki Tsutomu's name to 'mini ace'_

_guess monster changed Shirabu Kenjirou's name to 'bitchass hoe'_

guess monster: ur welcome

bitchass hoe: tendo wtf

semisemi: we agreed i hated this name

Kitten: so you are????

Smexy cat: KITTEN THESE ARE SHIRATORIZAWA

Kitten: cool.

owl-sensei: wowwww

mini ace: who are you guys???

owl-sensei: i am the myth

Smexy cat: the legend

owl-sensei: BOKUTO KOUTAROUUUUU

Smexy cat: *airhorn noises*

bitchass hoe: oh one of the top aces

owl-sensei: IS IT A BIRD

Smexy cat: IS IT A PLANE

owl-sensei: IS IT A FROG???

Smexy cat: NO ITS KUROO TETSUROU

bitchass hoe: the captain for the nekoma team

semisemi: arent you a smart little sunflower

farmer: Sunflowers cannot think for themselves, therefore are not smart.  
farmer: Also, I am not a farmer, why is this my name?

Smexy cat: well sunflowers are alive so they must be doing something right

Best decoy: i wonder why grand king left

guess monster: add him back

semisemi: damn he really hates us

mini ace: why?

bitchass hoe: i fucking wonder

_Best decoy added Oikawa Tooru back into the chat_

Oikawa Tooru: chibi-chan   
Oikawa Tooru: im flattered but-

_Oikawa Tooru left the chat_

_Best decoy added Oikawa Tooru back into the chat_

Best decoy: I SAID NO LEAVING

Oikawa Tooru: your words mean nothing

farmer: Why does he keep leaving?

_Oikawa Tooru left the chat_

tsumu: lmao he hates you guys

guess monster: haha

Best decoy: @iwachan

iwachan: ?

Best decoy: grand king keeps leaving :(

_iwachan added Oikawa Tooru back into the chat_

iwachan: dont be a bitch

Oikawa Tooru: BUT IWA CHANNNNN

tsumu: calm down lol

_Oikawa Tooru changed their name to 'Grand King'_

Best decoy: :DDDDD

Grand King: i only tolerate chibi-chan

Best Decoy: THANKS GRAND KING

Grand King: @farmer, @unironicmilkman  
Grand King: ya moms a hoe

farmer: I don't believe my mother is a hoe.

Best Decoy: i haven't met kageyama's mom so maybe

tsumu: really??

Best decoy: his parents are never home

unironic milkman: tf

owl-sensei: oya?

Smexy cat: oya oya???

Grand King: damn

guess monster: so how often do you go over,,, huh????

Best decoy: most afternoons!  
Best decoy: he lets me sleep over a lot as well!!!

unironic milkman: GUYS I DONT DO ANYTHING

semisemi: hm

mini ace: i wish i could do that

bitchass hoe: you complain to me at my dorm

mini ace: and?

bitchass hoe: IM TRYNA FUCK

mini ace: oh

guess monster: damnnnnnnnn

bitchass hoe: IM TRYING TO DO FUCKING HOMEWORK  
bitchass hoe: SKKJQCJNWWEN

owl-sensei: sure whatever you say

bitchass hoe: YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME

Best decoy: ???

iwachan: even though you are rivals, i politely ask you to not reveal anything to hinata

Smexy cat: no tainting the babey

tsumu: yeah hes an innocent one

owl-sensei: rule #1 to stay in the chat: no telling hinata what it means

Best decoy: GUYS

mini ace: i wont

Best decoy: I KNOW WHAT SOME WORDS MEAN

semisemi: agreed, though I dont mind if i get kicked tbh

Best decoy: COME ON

guess monster: hm no promises

Best decoy: I KNOW WHAT STUFF MEANS

farmer: I will not say bad things to Hinata Shouyou.

Smexy cat: ok chibi-chan prove it

Best decoy: FINE

Grand King: what does 'fuck' mean?

iwachan: dont ruin his innocence

owl-sensei: also dont google that

Akaashi Keiji: he has learnt from experience

Best decoy: THATS A BAD WORD

Smexy cat: but what does it mean

Best decoy: ITS SOMETHING PEOPLE YELL WHEN SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS

Grand King: mhm go on

Best decoy: it also is the bad term for.........

guess monster: for what??

Best decoy: when people do the thing

unironic milkman: dont let his innocent ass fool you  
unironic milkman: he swears a lot when his sister isnt around

Best decoy: SHUT UP

owl-sensei: i have a hard time believing that

bitchass hoe: i barely know you but yeah

unironic milkman: i should pull up that video-

Best decoy: KAGEYAMA TOBIO UR ON THIN FUCKING ICE

farmer: Is he ice skating?

guess monster: he is not

unironic milkman: what more to lose - you already refused to kiss me when i left  
unironic milkman: if i die, you never gave me a goodbye kiss  
unironic milkman: think about that

Best decoy: no more

Grand King: ??

iwachan: you guys broke him good job

Smexy cat: no more what???

Best decoy: NO MORE FUCKING DICK YOU DICK

unironic milkman: ...

Grand King: AHHAHA WHAT

guess monster: aha that's what you do home alone ;)))

tsumu: damn i didn't know tobio-kun was getting it onnnnn

unironic milkman: we've never-  
unironic milkman: ok then

Best decoy: noya-senpai told me to say that

semisemi: thank the lord

owl-sensei: you scared me

ROLLING THUNDER: aw shoyooooooo  
ROLLING THUNDER: you ruined my prank

Best decoy: sorry senpai

semisemi: Well guys, everyone should go to bed now it's getting late

owl-sensei: another mom

guess monster: im going to bed because im not suffering semisemi's wrath

farmer: You should go to bed for a full rest for training tomorrow

ROLLING THUNDER: ur not my mom

semisemi: ok then, hinata

Best decoy: yes semi-san?

semisemi: please head to bed

Best decoy: because you said please

**try and control me bitch - 11:39 pm**

Best decoy: eheheheehehehe

Sugamama: go the fuck to sleep

Best decoy: o k a y i m s o r r y m o m d o n t h u r t m e

Sugamama: also noya, when you read this, you are running 50 laps tomorrow

captain jr: lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip kageyama
> 
> sorry for the long wait! i hope everyone is safe!!! :DD


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eh im sure by now you all know their names (i hope lol) so i didn't put it up this chapter but let me know if i should keep the name key - their names match their character so i think its alright???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :DDDD

**try and control me bitch - 3:01 am**

_Koganegawa Kanji changed their name to angry bird_

angry bird: OH HELLLLLLLOOOO

Best decoy: KOGANEEEEEEE

angry bird: HINATAAAAAA

weed brownies: wow you guys are still up

kitten: why

Kindaichi Yuutarou: the hell?

die: oh you're here

Kindaichi Yuutarou: ?????

Best decoy: TURNIP HEADDDDDDDD

die: its me kunimi you hoe

Kindaichi Yuutarou: oh hi

_weed brownies changed Kindaichi Yuutarou's name to 'turnip'_

turnip: uhm

weed brownies: my sweet sweet son

turnip: makki or mattsun??

weed brownies: so you accepted it

turnip: what no

die: just accept it

turnip: why not adopt kunimi too????

weed brownies: *alabama music starts playing*

turnip: huh?

die: WTF MATTSUN

angry bird: i haven't a clue whats going on here but I'll act like i do

Best decoy: uhhhhhh

semisemi: why the hell are you guys awake

weed brownies: you can't tell me what to do

semisemi: yes i can

weed brownies: IM A THIRD YEAR I CAN DO WHAT I WANT

Best decoy: YEAHHHH

semisemi: hinata i will set a ball at your face tomorrow

Best decoy: no you wont

semisemi: you're right i wont 

angry bird: I CAN SET FOR YOU HINATA

Best decoy: WOAHHHHH

weed brownies: plus I'm born pretty early in the year so

semisemi: so when is your birthday?

weed brownies: stalker

semisemi: n o

weed brownies: anyways I'm younger than a lot of people so i wont say

semisemi: so I'm your senpai

die: oof

weed brownies: shit  
weed brownies: welp

semisemi: SO EVERYONE GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

Best decoy: but i cant :(

semisemi: why not?

Best decoy: i accidentally ordered 2 energy drinks from the vending machine

turnip: i don't like where this is heading

semisemi: and?

Best decoy: i obviously chugged both of them

angry bird: that seems about right

semisemi: you couldn't have just-  
semisemi: saved it for later?

Best decoy: thank you for the suggestion but its too late

angry bird: i should try that

Futakuchi Kenji: no

angry bird: i will not try that

semisemi: how does your mother put up with you?

Best decoy: she doesnt  
Best decoy: kageyama or suga-san puts up with me but neither is here now

semisemi: uh huh

Best decoy: I usually stay at kageyama's

semisemi: do you now?

Best decoy: i climbed through the window

die: lmao

semisemi: oh god

turnip: you climbed through kageyama's window?

die: oh forgot to tell you they're dating

Best decoy: ^-^

kitten: you could have just ridden home???

Best decoy: but kageyama :(

kitten: isn't there  
kitten: also didn't you refuse to talk to him or kiss him

Best decoy: but i miss him

kitten: @unironicmilkman

Best decoy: KENMA

angry bird: that's sad

die: hinata - trash kageyamas house for me please

unironic milkman: what do you guys want

kitten: nothing

unironic milkman: wait  
unironic milkman: HINATA YOU IDIOT YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE

Best decoy: i haven't broken anything

die: yet

unironic milkman: why did you climb through the window

Best decoy: it was open?

unironic milkman: you have a fucking key you dumbass

Best decoy: i do?  
Best decoy: I DO

semisemi: goals right there

unironic milkman: now I'm going to back to sleep Jesus christ

Jesus: huh

turnip: THE HECK???

ROLLING THUNDER: ASAHI I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU

Jesus: uhm

Best decoy: hi asahi-san!!!

Jesus: hi hinata  
Jesus: I'm going to sleep now

Sugamama: you fucking better

Jesus: oh no

ROLLING THUNDER: shit

Best decoy: T^T

angry bird: ??

semisemi: i told you guys

Sugamama: go to sleep.  
Sugamama: EVERYONE.

Best decoy: suddenly i am jared, 19

kitten: don't even need to try tbh

Best decoy: i cannot see

Sugamama: Hinata. Shoyo. 

Best decoy: whoops  
Best decoy: I'm sorry mom don't hurt me :(

Sugamama: go to sleep, please

Best decoy: dunno

Sugamama: i wont yell at you when you come back

Best decoy: done deal good night mother

Sugamama: thank god

Jesus: don't thank my dad

Sugamama: asahi if you don't go to bed RIGHT FUCKING NOW i will karate chop you to fucking Australia and you will be eaten by a tiger

Jesus: pretty sure tigers arent from Australia

Sugamama: so you have chosen death

Jesus: NIGHT 

Sugamama: mhm and noya you're still getting your ass beat tomorrow

ROLLING THUNDER: kinky

Sugamama: ...

ROLLING THUNDER: LOL NIGHTY NIGHT

Best decoy: i still cant sleep

Sugamama: i don't know run around???

Best decoy: k

**try and control me bitch - 6:29 am**

guess monster: would someone tell me why chibi is passed out on the lawn

Sugamama: wait he actually fucking did it

guess monster: I've taken him inside

farmer: Hinata Shoyo is now in bed, safely

Sugamama: oh lord thank you

semisemi: damn i didn't think he was THAT dumb

Grand king: he'll wake up eventually

owl-sensei: TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY SON USHIWAKA

farmer: I don't believe Hinata is your son?

owl-sensei: that was a warning

Smexy cat: bo will go off if you hurt him

semisemi: I'm supervising he will be fine

beanpole: no throw him out a window or something

best boi: TSUKKI

Short&Angery: so suga i see this is what you deal with

Sugamama: unfortunately

iwachan: i would feel sorry but i have to deal with oikawa

Sugamama: I'm extremely sorry for you

Grand king: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

Pinky: it means you are annoying

Grand king: MAKKI STFU

Pinky: jus' sayingggg

turnip: i think oikawa-senpai is cool

die: fucking suck up

turnip: fricking shut up

Grand king: you still refuse to swear??

Short&Angery: keep the innocent one or i will take him

turnip: please take me away

Smexy cat: what did i say about adopting children?

Short&Angery: nothing you fuckhead

Smexy cat: note taken, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me

russianboyo: haha hes scared of yaku-san

kitten: ...

owl-sensei: who isn't???

russianboyo: hes so short i can just lift him up

Short&Angery: YOU FUCKING WHAT

russianboyo: its in your name!!

Smexy cat: and lev is suddenly deceased

fuccboi: yeah this yaku guy sounds terrifying

Short&Angery: that's a compliment thank you

fuccboi: yeahhhhhhh

guess monster: WAIT GUYS  
guess monster: THE CHIBI IS LIKE TOSSING AND TURNING  
guess monster: HE AJNEICGJSDTOHNO

farmer: Hinata has fallen off the bed

owl-sensei: MY SON OH NO

Sugamama: he has nightmares

die: a child?

Sugamama: wrap him in a burrito  
Sugamama: that always works for me

guess monster: will do

unironic milkman: what happened to Hinata?

Grand king: oh no hes alive

Sugamama: did you just see the messages?

unironic milkman: my senses were tingling

beanpole: never say that again, thank you

unironic milkman: fuck. you. 

beanpole: no. thanks. 

guess monster: HE WONT STOP WRIGGLING

Grand king: that's what she said

guess monster: ok i walked into that one

semisemi: Sugawara how do you deal with him???

Sugamama: normally kageyama will do something idk

unironic milkman: wrap him in a burrito  
unironic milkman: give him a hug  
unironic milkman: play Disney music

beanpole: disgusting

owl-sensei: that's so cute

Grand king: ew that's adorable GIVE IT TO ME

turnip: kageyama can be nice tf???

Sugamama: hes actually really soft

unironic milkman: dont expose me

tsumu: tobio-kun being soft???  
tsumu: AWWWWW

unironic milkman: shut up

tsumu: shame I'm gonna steal your man

unironic milkman: i would like to remind you, i am sitting a few meters from you, my mother supports my decision of murder, there are minimal people in the area, Sakusa has cleaning supplies at the ready, and I am holding a butter knife that I won't hesitate to stab you with.

beanploe: that's the most I've even seen him write

tsumu: ha only like 80% of that is true

Sakusa Kiyoomi: I have some bleach whenever you need

Sugamama: Go for it

tsumu: shit gotta blast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG WE GOT TO 200 KUDOS??????  
> THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO LIKES THIS STORY YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!!!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RIP hinata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS ARE ACTUALLY SO NICE THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! <3

guess monster: OK GUYS HE LIVED

Sugamama: thank fuck

Dad: hey

Sugamama: thank you for protecting our child

farmer: We provided him breakfast and a blanket

semisemi: he's so smol

bitchass hoe: he acts like a child

mini ace: i don't mind him he's ok

bitchass hoe: mhm

Sugamama: sorry for any troubles he caused

farmer: We always have extra room

guess monster: wakatoshi can we adopt him

Sugamama: HEY WHAT

owl-sensei: I've been summoned?

farmer: I don't think we can adopt him, he is only 2 years younger than us

owl-sensei: THATS RIGHT HES MINE

Sugamama: NO HES MINE

unironic milkman: lmao no

Sugamama: kageyama i kindly ask you to shut up

unironic milkman: sorry 

guess monster: WELL GUESS WHO HAS HIM NOW

farmer: THEY HAVE SUGARY CEREALS!!!!!!  
farmer: That was a message from Hinata

Sugamama: don't think i wont come to pick him up

guess monster: he's ours now

semisemi: you can't separate a child from their parents

owl-sensei: yet i live in Tokyo ;(

semisemi; so we adopted him sorry karasuno mom

Sugamama: NO HES MY BABY  
Sugamama: THATS IT IM GOING 

Dad: Suga!!!!

guess monster: FACE IT

mini ace: is he ours now??

bitchass hoe: he would do better than you anyways

mini ace: HEY NOT TRUE

bitchass hoe: he would be sorta fun to set to

mini ace: IM RIGHT HERE???

unironic milkman: no he's mine

guess monster: and where are you???  
guess monster: Tokyo so shut the fuck up

unironic milkman: wow I'm so scared

Sugamama: rhvecOivrheCJBr

farmer: You should not speak to someone like that Satori

guess monster: ok that was uncalled for I'm sorry

Grand king: don't be 

Dad: ok guys can we calm down

Sugamama: DAICHI I CANT CALM THE FUCK DOWN THEY HAVE OUR BABY

Dad: well he's lost his marbles

Grand king: yOuVe oFfiCiaLLy mAdE mE loSe mY mArBLes

owl-sensei: hinata is my child

Sugamama: AND THE SKY IS FUCKING YELLOW

ROLLING THUNDER: well sometimes-

Sugamama: SHUT THE FUCK UP NOYA I WILL STAB YOU 57 TIMES

ROLLING THUNDER: sounds fun please do

Sugamama: I CANT FUCKING DEAL WITH YOU GUYS 

guess monster: lol calm down we will give him back soon enough

farmer: He will be returned safely to Karasuno  
farmer: AFTER THE TRAING CAMP BEAUSE I AM GOiN TO GET THE CEREAL EHEHE

Sugamama: they bribed him

owl-sensei: false news

Sugamama: I WONT HESITATE BITCH

_ROLLING THUNDER changed the name of the chat to "i wont hesitate bitch"_

semisemi: does the title always have bitch or-

Sugamama: :)

semisemi: have a nice day sir

* * *

**i wont hesitate bitch - 5:10 pm**

turnip: ok  
turnip: kageyama

Grand king: ???

turnip: i swear to fucking god i didnt mean to do it

Iwachan: Kindaichi?

weed brownies: you ok???

Pinky: lmao what did you do

turnip: I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

beanpole: LMAOOOO 

turnip: NO FUCK YOU DONT LAUGH

Sugamama: uhhhh

owl-sensei: you ok bud?

turnip: kageyama dont kill me please

die: haha

angry bird: o o f

beanpole: @unironicmilkman

turnip: i will KILL YOU

unironic milkman: why was i tagged??

turnip: before you kill me im sorry

unironic milkman: uh?

beanpole: HE HIT HINATA IN THE FCKING BALLS AAHAAHAHHHAHA

Sugamama: oh no

owl-sensei: ouch

Pinky: REALLY????

weed brownies: OH SHIT HAHAHA

unironic milkman: oh...

die: lmao

unironic milkman: so you didn't get it on video?

angry bird: i didnt :///

turnip: ...

die: no

unironic milkman: damn

beanpole: HE FEL OVER AND EVERHTING HAHHAAH

Sugamama: is tsukishima... ok?

guess monster: i got it on camera

unironic milkman: really????

guess monster: [FUCKING RIP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQLULl3gGpc)

angry bird: oh!

Sugamama: omg my baby

owl-sensei: i feel really bad for laughing imsosorry

turnip: IM SORRY

weed brownies: AHHAHA NICE KILL

Pinky: we taught you well

Grand king: but like that look like it actually H U R T

iwachan: oh god

ROLLING THUNDER: OMG SHOYO HAHAAHAHAHA

sushi incident: ouch man

_sushi incident changed their name to 'buddha'_

buddha: ...  
buddha: thank the lord

tsumu: RIP

russianboyo: that looked painful

Short&Angery: you know what will be painful?

Smexy cat: :))))

russianboyo: huh

Short&Angery: me kicking you in the fucking ankles is what

Smexy cat: mhm

Short&Angery: COACH IS CALLING GET YOUR ASSES ON COURT

Sugamama: i wish i had that power

Dad: you do

Jesus: you do

ROLLING THUNDER: you do

buddha: you do

best boi: but like  
best boi: is hinata ok???

Queen: Is Hinata alright?

die: i think so

beanpole: he will live

unironic milkman: oi,,, dumbass are you ok?

guess monster: he didn't bring his phone  
guess monster: from when he... you know

Sugamama: very sorry about that

semisemi: what is this spam???  
semisemi: OH SHIT TENDOU

guess monster: hmmmm

semisemi: IS HE OK????

guess monster: i dunno but i feel bad for laughing

semisemi: no you dont

guess monster: ok i dont

turnip: OK LETS STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS PLEASE

weed brownies: we like making you suffer kindaichi

die: lol

turnip: i want to die

Akaashi Keiji: ^

Kitten: ^^

owl-sensei: AKAAGSHI NO

Smexy cat: kenma we talked about this

Kitten: just saying  
Kitten: death is always welcome at my doorstep

Smexy cat: KENMA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone is staying safe out there!!!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> c e r e a l
> 
> tbh i was just craving any sort of cereal during this don't ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah so it seems my motivation has come back

**i wont hesitate bitch - 10:53 am**

Sugamama: so what did y'all feed this kid at the training camp

ROLLING THUNDER: I'm so ????

beanpole: he is a monster i swear

Jesus: wow-

bitchass hoe: wut

semisemi: huh

buddha: Hinata is on: steroids

fuccboi: i mean that sounds about right

unironic milkman: seriously what did you teach him 

best boi: he's gone quiet and that's unsettling

semisemi: so what happened exactly?

ROLLING THUNDER: he actually RECEIVED the ball

Jesus: it was kageyamas serve and it was terrifying

Pure bean: i swear my arms would fall off if i touched his serve

bitchass hoe: so you guys are freaking out...

tsumu: because he received a serve?

ROLLING THUNDER: you don't understand  
ROLLING THUNDER: KAGEYAMA's serve

tsumu: and? lol

buddha: oof bro

fuccboi: rip

best boi: o u c h

beanpole: haha

unironic milkman: ...

Sugamama: IM SO PROUD HE DIDNT RECEIVE WITH HIS FACE

Jesus: I'm honestly amazed at how much his face has been hit with a ball

best boi: they grow up so fast

Best decoy: IM LITERALLY THE OLDEST FIRST YEAR

best boi: *wipes tear*

fuccboi: huh-

Best decoy: kageyama is the baby not me >:(

unironic milkman: at least i don't act like one

Best decoy: i will ♡kill♡ you

ROLLING THUNDER: i support that

beanpole: lol

unironic milkman: i-

farmer: I believe the only thing we fed him was cereal

Sugamama: so no drugs in the cereal or,,,

semisemi: ask tendou

bitchass hoe: tendou

guess monster: i am very offended rn  
guess monster: but no i didn't put drugs in the cereal

russianboyo: can i have the cereal i want to be good too

Short&Angery: what no

russianboyo: awwwwwww

Smexy cat: no it might make him better

Short&Angery: ...  
Short&Angery: you want cereal as well don't you

Smexy cat: m a y b e

kitten: i like cereal

Smexy cat: ITS A VOTE 3 AGAINST 1

Short&Angery: i don't even live with you

Smexy cat: omw

russianboyo: I'm coming as well

Smexy cat: kenma I'm at the door lets go

kitten: ok

Short&Angery: WHAT

Grand king: why don't i have friends like this  
Grand king: nobody cares about me ;-;

iwachan: now ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Who asked (Feat: Nobody) ───────────⚪────── ◄◄⠀▐▐⠀►► 𝟸:𝟷𝟾 / 𝟹:𝟻𝟼⠀───○ 🔊

fuccboi: damn oikawa gon need some ice for that burn

Sugamama: by his own boyfriend rip

tsumu: that's an oof buddy

Grand king: how could you iwa-chan

weed brownies: you asked for it 

pinky: i thought he loved us :,(

weed brownies: no babe don't cry

iwachan: look what you've done shittykawa

Grand king: i-

Short&Angery: guys they are actually at my house what do i do

Sugamama: get a spray bottle

Smexy cat: NOOOO LET US INNNN

kitten: you get my PSP wet and i fucking destroy you

russianboyo: but we brought cereal

Short&Angery: so i don't have to buy the cereal?

Smexy cat: NO WE BOUGHT IT NOW LET US IN WE ARE FREEZING OUR ASSES OFF

Short&Angery: ok ima let kenma in the other two can stay out

kitten: thanks mom

russianboyo: T^T

Best decoy: can i come and get cereal

Sugamama: ...

Best decoy: is that a yes??

farmer: We still have cereal left in our dorms.

Best decoy: so i can come get some?

guess monster: yes

semisemi: yes

bitchass hoe: sure idc

mini ace: okkkkk

Best decoy: YAYY

unironic milkman: what no

ROLLING THUNDER: he actually started running  
ROLLING THUNDER: can i have some cereal too?

farmer: We have enough for two people

ROLLING THUNDER: lol bye bitches

Sugamama: HEY COME BACK WTF

buddha: dude they run so fast its unfair

beanpole: no let them go

Jesus: how did they-

Dad: Guys where did Hinata and Noya go?

Sugamama: daichi i tried ok

Dad: wait what 

beanpole: that's right they got hit by a car

Dad: THEY WHAT

Sugamama: TSUKISHIMA DONT GIVE YOUR FATHER A HEART ATTACK

beanpole: i wish they were

Jesus: they are running to get cereal they are not dead

Best decoy: YET

Sugamama: COME BACK YOU EVIL CHILDREN

ROLLING THUNDER: WE GON BE THERE SOON

Dad: HOW DO WE GET YOU TO COME BACK

Best decoy: nothing

ROLLING THUNDER: find better cereal and we will come back

Dad: but sugary cereal is unhealthy

unironic milkman: daichi-san i think you are supposed to bribe them

Sugamama: he has a point

Short&Angery: suga I'm sorry that my teammates started this

Smexy cat: **kids

Short&Angery: shut the fuck up and eat your cereal

Smexy cat: if you insist

Jesus: i have a plan to get them back

beanpole: no thanks lol

_Jesus added Keishin Ukai to i wont hesitate bitch_

_buddha changed Keishin Ukai's name to 'coach'_

fuccboi: lmao you guys added ur coach????

Grand king: is this a good idea

Dad: it is the only way

coach: the fuck is this

Sugamama: ...

Jesus: ...

fuccboi: don't worry i like him already

tsumu: he sounds lit

coach: why was i added into a group chat   
coach: who are you 

buddha: COAAACCCHHHH

coach: ... oh

Dad: Coach, Hinata and Noya ran away and they won't come back

coach: good riddance

beanpole: ^^^exactly

Jesus: they wont come back like for nationals

coach: well fuck guys come back we need you

fuck you: no let them be free

coach: I'm so confused who are you all

Dad: Coach they might get hurt please tell them to come back with your power (this is Daichi)

coach: Where are they??

ROLLING THUNDER: somewhere,,,

coach: don't come back then

Best decoy: do you not want us :(

coach: ...

Sugamama: COACH

fuccboi: lmao your coach is great

coach: who are these people

fuccboi: so you wanna know meeeeeeeeeeeeee

coach: can i leave?

Sugamama: BUT WHAT ABOUT NOYA AND HINATA

coach: what are they even doing

farmer: Both Karasuno players have arrived safely and are eating cereal together.

semisemi: suga your children are literal RATS

Sugamama: i know

coach: they ran away from training for CEREAL? Jesus christ

Jesus: yeah

coach: WHAT THE FCUK

beanpole: fuck*

coach: i hate this I'm leaving

fuccboi: rip

Dad: COACH

_coach left the chat_

Sugamama: oh god

ROLLING THUNDER: SHOYO WAS RIGHT THIS CEREAL IS BOMBBB

buddha: so directions???

Dad: Tanaka. 

captain jr: i have restrained him

buddha: acbewdjifbejrd BRO WTF

Sugamama: where is he?

captain jr: i locked him in the storage closet

buddha: LEMME OUT  
buddha: GET ME OUT OF THE CLOSET

fuck off: aw buddy are you coming out

fuck off 2: congrats man

buddha: REEEEEEEEEEEEE

beanpole: he's actually screaming it hurts my ears

Smexy cat: haha this is great

Short&Angery: I'm so sorry suga my children are so much better

Smexy cat: because you will hit me

russianboyo: he hit me anyways

Short&Angery: and I'll do it again

guess monster: lmao these karasuno kids are great 

Sugamama: ...  
Sugamama: what did noya do?

bitchass hoe: tendou and him are both screaming Beyonce music

Sugamama: how dare you replace me

Dad: why

semisemi: they are standing on the table

farmer: The tables should be able to withstand their weights combined.

mini ace: how do they know all the words tho

Sugamama: WHO DOESNT

mini ace: don't hurt me

Sugamama: sorry I'm just stressed because of these TWO IMBECILES

Best decoy: idk what that means 

beanpole: it means you are stupid

Best decoy: tell me something i don't know 

beanpole: ...

owl-sensei: KAASHI CAN WE GET CEREAL

Akaashi Keiji: no

owl-sensei: AKAASHI PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE

kitten: he spelt your name right

Akaashi Keiji: ok yes

owl-sensei: THX AKGAASHI

kitten: oh rip

angry bird: CAN WE GET CEREAL CAPTAIN

Futakuchi Kenji: after training if you behave

angry bird: YEEEEEEEEE

Grand king: what about us

pinky: C E R E A L

iwachan: lmao I'm eating cereal in my bed without you guys

weed brownies: BETRAYAL

Grand king: what if i was with you in the bed?

iwachan: i would eat my cereal

Grand king: without the cereal

iwachan: i would go get cereal

Grand king: i am hurt

Sugamama: why are all your children so behaved (oikawa is an exception)

Grand king: HEY

Short&Angery: discipine

russianboyo: my ankles are suffering

Akaashi Keiji: he gets depressed easily

owl-sensei: KAASHI

iwachan: honestly i have no idea

pinky: mhm

semisemi: i don't 

guess monster: DAMN RIGHT YOU DONT

semisemi: I'm kidding they all have a weakness to anime

mini ace: did you say anime?

guess monster: did i hear anime

farmer: Anime?

bitchass hoe: what one today

semisemi: we can watch given today

Best decoy: WE CAN STAY AND WATCH RIGHT?

ROLLING THUNDER: PLEASE

semisemi: if you be quiet

ROLLING THUNDER: of course

Best decoy: YAYYYYYYY

farmer: I am getting the popcorn ready

Best decoy: EEEEEEEEEEEE

Sugamama: why is parenting so hard

Jesus: you are literally 18 

Sugamama: and?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we've reached 15, 000 words AND 300 kudos????
> 
> wchfefrfwdcnwfnemkadcen   
> THANK YOU GUYS I REALLY APPRECIATE THE KUDOS AND THE RLLY NICE COMMENTS I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH
> 
> as always, stay safe :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eeeeeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHH im sorry i have left this fic for for like 2 weeks 
> 
> my exams are coming up and im d y i n g
> 
> but here ya go ig :DDDDD

**i wont hesitate bitch - 2:26 pm**

Best Decoy: KAGEYAMAAAAA  
Best Decoy: YAMAYAMAA  
Best Decoy: STUPIDYAMA  
Best Decoy: K A G E Y A M A

Grand king: hes trying so hard

Best Decoy: KAGSSSSS  
Best Decoy: kage chan  
Best Decoy: tobio?

unironic milkman: the fuck

Grand king: oop

fuccboi: the fact he responded tho

tsumu: here lies: tobio-kun

Best Decoy: i was thinking

beanpole: yeah right lol

Best Decoy: I WAS THINKING

beanpole: with what brain

Best Decoy: SHUT THE FUCK UP TREE ASS BITCH

Grand King: i-

Best Decoy: ok so as i was saying  
Best Decoy: the given characters kinda remind me of us 

unronic milkman: thats it?

Best Decoy: yep!!!!

fuccboi: that was ...

tsumu: a let down

fuccboi: anticlimactic

Grand king: disappointing

iwachan: says you hoe

fuccboi: drag the bitch

Grand king: IWACHAN

iwachan: what

Grand king: i am not a hoe >:(((((

iwachan: mhm

weed brownies: says these horny texts you sent me

iwachan ...   
iwachan: what

Grand king: WE PROMISED NOT TO SPEAK OF THAT

pinky: lol he sent me the screenshots

Grand king: you are dead to me  
Grand king: i hope you know that

weed brownies: yeah they were meant for iwaaaaa

Grand king: f u c k  
Grand king: y o u

pinky: SCREENIE TIMEEEEE :DDD

Grand king: WTF NOO

Best decoy: ooooo i wanna see!!!

tsumu: :))))

fuccboi: well hurry up

pinky: [image attached]

* * *

**Private Convo: Mattsuhoe > Oikahoe**

Oikahoe: babbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeee  
Oikahoe: BABYYYYYY  
Oikahoe: are you coming over tonight???? :(  
Oikahoe: my parents arent home  
Oikahoe: i got ready if you know what i meannnnnnnnnn  
Oikahoe: i want you to  
Oikahoe: fuck  
Oikahoe: me  
Oikahoe: til

Mattsuhoe: uh chile anyways so

Oikahoe: WAIT WTF

Mattsuhoe: hi my lovely captain oikawa

Oikahoe: ...  
Oikahoe: fuck.

Mattsuhoe: tell that to iwa lol

Oikahoe: im deleting this chat

Mattsuhoe: too late

Oikahoe: i hate you

Mattsuhoe: love you too <3

* * *

tsumu: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

fuccboi: OH SHIT HAHAHAH

kitten:   
kitten: why am i here

Best Decoy: because you are my friend???

kitten: thats valid

semisemi: hinata put your phone down and watch 

Best decoy: im sorry semi-san :(

semisemi: oh god he actually looks sad  
semisemi: WE NEED CEREAL STAT

pure bean: What in gods name did i just read...?

Grand king: ... nothing

mad dog: you wish lol

die: this is definitely going to blackmail

Grand king: KUNIMI

pure bean: i-

Queen: Hitoka-chan?  
Queen: what happened

pure bean: Please read back

weed brownies: oh lol forgot there were grills in this chat sorry

pure bean: ngl it is kinda funny tho

Queen: ...

pure bean: im s o r r y

tsumu: o o f

Sugamama: why did kiyoko just throw her phone

Grand king: in my defense  
Grand king: i didnt send the screenshot

Sugamama: oh  
Sugamama: O H

best boi: why is yachi laughing so hard

beanpole: shes gonna die

pinky: whoops lol

Queen: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MURDER EVERYONE HERE

pinky: this is my cue to leave bye <3

weed brownies: bye bitches 

Grand king: ...  
Grand king: this isnt my fault

iwachan: sure it isnt

Grand king: I DIDNT SEND THE SCREENSHOT

pure bean: ACJSNHBES ITS SO FUNNY THO

best boi: i-

beanpole: yachi lost it

mad dog: oikawa you did this

Grand king: SHUT UR MOUTH YOU BITCH

mad dog: very original

Grand king: SHUT UP YOU FUCKING FURRY

Pinky: suddenly i have returned

weed brownies: what did we miss

mad dog: ...  
mad dog: i am not afraid to spike a ball at your face

Grand king: with what aim lol

Sugamama: its gettin a lil spicy

fuccboi: he didnt deny it tho

tsumu: so its true?

mad dog: what. the. fuck. NO

weed brownies: haha furry

mad dog: IM NOT A FURRY FUCK YOU

tsumu: ...

fuccboi: thats something a furry would say

mad dog: im leaving

Grand king: thats right.   
Grand king P U S S Y

iwachan: you are a great captain

tsumu: sarcasm levels are off the charts

fuccboi: oh to be a kouhai of oikawa tooru

Pinky: OIKAWA TOORUS FAVOURITE FOOD

tsumu: MILKBREAD!!!

weed brownies: HIS PERSONAL MOTTO IS

fuccboi: IF UR GONNA HIT IT THEN HIT IT TIL IT BREAKS

Akaashi Keiji: That's what she said.

Sugamama: I-   
Sugamama: oh to see akaashi meme

kitten: lmao

Grand king: FUCK YOU GUYS

Akaashi Keiji: No thanks, Oikawa-san.

Grand king: ...  
Grand king: iwa chan?

iwachan: no

weed brownies: hearts been broke so many times

Grand king: i hate everyone here

pure bean: even me

Grand king: i dont even know who you are

Sugamama: so...  
Sugamama: how about being stabbed

Grand king: jokes on you im into that shit

Pinky: iwa take notes

tsumu: kinky

beanpole: ok fess up who made yachi cry

Grand king: shes crying??

iwachan: nice going idiot

Akaashi Keiji: I thought he was supposed to be good with girls?  
Akaashi Keiji: must be false info sorry

Grand king: IM SORRY

beanpole: so where do you live

Grand king: sorry i have a boyfriend 

iwachan: i dont see him

Grand king: the AUDACITY OF THIS BITCH

Sugamama: its ok Yachi this bitch has nothing going for him

fuccboi: not even an ass 

tsumu: his personality is worse than my brothers  
tsumu: and thats saying something

iwachan: hes a straight up bitch dont listen to him

pure bean: thanks i feel a whole lot better

beanpole: jokes she wasnt even crying

Grand king: so is anyone gonna take back what they said or?

Sugamama: i said what i said

tsumu: yall hear something?

Grand king: WHAT IS THIS?? ROAST OIKAWA TIME???

_Sugamama changed the name of the chat to 'roast oikawa time'_

Grand king: OH FUCK ME

Akaashi Keiji: Once again, delighted by your offer but no thanks.

Grand king: i want to die

kitten: same lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why does my brain ?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so ive seen a bunch of these on youtube but like ....... meh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea what im doing just go with it [and no i dont know what going on either so dont ask]

**roast oikawa time - 4:20 pm**

unironic milkman: lmao 420  
unironic milkman: blaze it :)

tsumu: w h a t

ROLLING THUNDER: nani the fuck

Akaashi Keiji: lol 420

Smexy cat: pftttttt 420 :))))

kitten: i cant even   
kitten: anyways 420

buddha: YEAHHHHHHH

russianboyo: ehhehehehe 420

fuccboi: 420 dudes

Best decoy: what is 420?

bitchass hoe: ...  
bitchass hoe: lol

semisemi: my god

Sugamama: nothing you need to know about :)

Best decoy: why is it funny???  
Best decoy: also kags never says lmao who is that

beanpole: kags

tsumu: kags

russianboyo: kags

fuccboi: kags

ROLLING THUNDER: kags

bitchass hoe: kags

Best decoy: >:(

unironic milkman: KAGS?????

Best decoy: ??

buddha: who da hell

unironic milkman: thats so fucking adorable

Sugamama: ... language??

semisemi: are you ok?

farmer: I have never seen Kageyama speak that way before.

unironic milkman: ah i should introduce myself  
unironic milkman: im miwa - tobios older sister

ROLLING THUNDER: he has a sister?

tsumu: nooo he totally gives only child vibes

buddha: OLDER SISTER AS WELL

beanpole: what

fuccboi: this dude has a sister??

Akaashi Keiji: Ah, I wasn't aware that he seemed like the type to have an older sibling

Smexy cat: dumbing it down - your calling him a bitch?

Akaashi Keiji: i deny that

kitten: ... mhm

unironic milkman: cant deny tobio is a bitch lmao

buddha: i like her already

farmer: It doesn't seem nice to call a sibling a 'bitch'.

bitchass hoe: i mean,,,

Best decoy: i didnt knw he had a sister

unironic milkman: im not home that often ehhhh

Best decoy: oh ok

unironic milkman: ah fuck  
unironic milkman: you seem sad im sorry D:

Sugamama: this isnt your fault  
Sugamama: hey hinata how about we get icecream?

Best decoy: ICE CREAM

Sugamama: yeah ill meet you at ukais

ROLLING THUNDER: snatched

buddha: so kageyama-san could you tell us some stuff

beanpole: blackmail please

tsumu: BABY PICTURES

fuccboi: any embarrassing things?

unironic milkman: ahhhh call me miwa nee-san or whatever

ROLLING THUNDER: MIWA NEESANNNNN

Smexy cat: so i need the deets

kitten: never say that again

Akaashi Keiji: kuroo-san that was cringey af

Smexy cat: ok ouch i get it

unironic milkman: you didnt hear this from me  
unironic milkman: he watches anime

beanpole: hes a weeb

buddha: thats all??

unironic milkman: i have to uphold his honor

beanpole: no you dont

fuccboi: nooooooo

tsumu: my brother beats me

semisemi: cmonnnn

bitchass hoe: i thought you were good semi san

semisemi: shhhh the adults are speaking

bitchass hoe: TF

semisemi: sHut

unironic milkman: i still repect my brother even if he is a dumbass

ROLLING THUNDER: i see resemblance

unironic milkman: really thoooooo 

buddha: 'dumbass'

kitten: basically his whole vocabulary 

tsumu: fat fucking rip

unironic milkman: his one braincell is trying

beanpole: even his sister knows hes stupid af

unironic milkman: he has yet to see the truth

buddha: no need to do him dirty

russianboyo: i think hes pretty smart

Smexy cat: you literally cant say anything lev

kitten: you failed your english exam

russianboyo: LMAO AND???  
russianboyo: i embrace my dumb bitchness

tsumu: at least hes self-aware

fuccboi: thats a mood tho

beanpole: more secrets please

unironic milkman: idkkkkkkkk

Akaashi Keiji: Miwa Nee-san, may we please be informed of more embarrassing things Kageyama has done?

unironic milkman: only cause ur rlly persuasive

buddha: omg akaashi you are actually the best

Akaashi Keiji: thank me later

unironic milkman: however,,,

fuccboi: oh shittttt

russianboyo: im good at bargaining

kitten: no

russianboyo: u rite sorry

unironic milkman: yall have to tell me if he likes or is dating someone

bitchass hoe: ...

Smexy cat: ...

farmer:   
farmer: ...

ROLLING THUNDER: ...

buddha: you dont kno?

unironic milkman: he doesnt tell me anything :///  
unironic milkman: but i must know of his love life as any good sister

beanpole: ok he has a boyfriend now spill

fuccboi: DUDE

russianboyo: bargaining tho :(

Smexy cat: you just outed that mans

beanpole: they werent very subtle??

kitten: not wrong

ROLLING THUNDER: every time i speak to them both i feel like theyre havin a telepathic convo or smth

unironic milkman: I FUCKING KNEW IT

bitchass hoe: oh shitttt ahaha

unironic milkman: I TOLD HIM HE WAS GAY WHEN HE WAS LIKE 10  
unironic milkman: BITCH HAD THE AUDACITY NOT TO BELIEVE ME

buddha: we been knew

russianboyo: tahts sad

semisemi: damnnnnn

ROLLING THUNDER: on a scale of straight to rainbow unicorns  
ROLLING THUNDER: how gay was he

tsumu: asking the real questions

unironic milkman: rainbow fucking unicorns

Akaashi Keiji: woah

unironic milkman: i would have magazines and he would look at them but when i showed him girls he was like 'ew'

beanpole: keep going, please

buddha: DAMN BUDDYYYYYYY

unironic milkman: like one tiemjncn CJEAXMDNAX

bitchass hoe: hes coming back

ROLLING THUNDER: NOOOOOO

unironic milkman: WDJNOTLIKDISAHHJRCDS

tsumu: i liked her better

beanpole: agreed.

unironic milkman: what the fuck.

Smexy cat: use WTF like a normal human

buddha: how easy is it to hack into his phone???

tsumu: i watched him type his passcode  
tsumu: its 0910

ROLLING THUNDER: that shits cute

russianboyo: its their numbers!!!!!!

unironic milkman: what happened

beanpole: read back bitch

fuccboi: you got your mans taken

semisemi: yeah he seemed sad

bitchass hoe: this is funny

kitten: ^

Sakusa Kiyoomi: That was pretty funny

tsumu: WTF  
tsumu: i thought you DIED

Sakusa Kiyoomi: That would be unsanitary

fuccboi: no shit

unironic milkman: wait i didnt tell hinata about miwa?

semisemi: apparently not?

kitten: i swear you are both stupid it doesnt matter

Best decoy: IM BACK AND I GOT ICE CREAM

unironic milkman: HINATA

fuccboi: score

Best decoy: ikr!!!

Sugamama: i have made the child happy

beanpole: oh no

Best decoy: DONT BE A MEANIE

unironic milkman: hinata

russianboyo: was it nice??

Best decoy: YEAHHHHH  
Best decoy: i got rainbow :)

russianboyo: ohhhhh

unironic milkman: ...

Smexy cat: oof

tsumu: OUCH

buddha: that shit hurted

ROLLING THUNDER: im in pAiNnNnNn~~~

Best decoy: ANYWAYS I GOTTA GO MY LIL SIS NEEDS ME

Sugamama: have fun...

kitten: bye

unironic milkman: .

bitchass hoe: well-

semisemi: shut up

bitchass hoe: i probably should

farmer: That was quite sad.

Akaashi Keiji: indeed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops i dropped my angst
> 
> my bad


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hola ninos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO SORRY FOR THE 1 MONTH DEATH
> 
> I had a lot of exams and I was sorta just depressed and didn't have any motivation to write - angays i'm back :D

**roast oikawa time - 9:55 pm**

unironic milkman: hinata  
unironic milkman: CHILD  
unironic milkman: THE PERSON DATING MY BROTHER

tsumu: yoooo 

unironic milkman: I NEED HIM

buddha: hoes mad

Grand King: oop-

Dad: What's happening?

unironic milkman: WHY IS MY DAD IN THIS CHAT  
unironic milkman: NEVERMIND I NEED HINATA

Dad: Kageyama are you ok???

beanpole: has he ever been ok?

unironic milkman: istg

tsumu: hi miwa lol

buddha: miwa neesannnnnnnnn

unironic milkman: can you get the orange child for me

tsumu: hmmm i dunno

buddha: might need some blackmail first

Grand King: ^^^^^ that right there

pure bean: @Best Decoy

unironic milkman: thanks ... pure bean

pure bean: yachi

unironic milkman: THANK YOU YACHI

Best decoy: hi?

unironic milkman: HINATA

Best decoy: ...

unironic milkman: I KNOW UR MAD AT MY BBY BRO BUT HES LIKE SAD

Best decoy: im not mad at him

unironic milkman: he tried to call you 50 times

Grand King: hes probably having a breakdown

beanpole: lol

Dad: Tsukishima that isnt nice

beanpole: tHaT iSnT NiCe stfu

Dad: ...

Buddha: @Sugamama lol

Sugamama: Tsukishima :)

beanpole: sorry not sorry

unironic milkman: PLZ TALK TO HIMMMMM

Best decoy: im not mad at him im mad at myself

tsumu: *gay confusion noises*

buddha: i am confusion

Best decoy: i realised that even tho we are dating i dont know a lot of things about his life and it made me sad :(

unironic milkman: i-

Grand King: thats so cute what

tsumu: god

buddha: my heart is in pain

Sugamama: thats actually rlly sentimental awhhh

pure bean: thats so adorable i want it

beanpole: lol hes using his braincell

Sugamama: WAY TO RUIN THE FUCKING MOMENT  
Sugamama: anygays  
Sugamama: you should talk to him about it hinata

tsumu: ANYGAYS???

unironic milkman: im giving his phone back now so yall talk it out

Best decoy: ok!

guess monster: i got 50 messages what did i miss

Grand King: history

Kitten: has its eyes on you

Grand King: SHUT UP

guess monster: aw thats cute

Grand King: I SWEAR IF SOMEONE QUOTES HAMILTION TO ME-

Pinky: i heard hamilton and i was summoned

Grand King: NO YOU GO AWAY

Pinky: this is my time to shine

Grand King: FUCK OFF 

tsumu: has he got ptsd from that shit or something?

Grand King: MAKKI WOULD PLAY THE WHOLE PLAYLIST  
Grand King: WITHOUT FUCKING FAIL  
Grand King: EVERYDAY OF FIRST YEAR WHCEFBSHJENXD

Pinky: and you're welcome

semisemi: ah a man of culture i see

Kitten: i started a war  
Kitten: lol

buddha: im pretty sure i heard tsukki listening to hamilton

beanpole: not me wrong bitch

pure bean: no we did a duet for 'say no to this'

beanpole: ...

guess monster: mans got exposed

Sugamama: i wouldnt be suprised

Dad: I've never watched hamilton can we go past this

Kitten: ...

Pinky: ...w h a t

semisemi: F

Sugamama: OK GUYS KALM DOWNNNNN

tsumu: says the one speaking in caps

Sugamama: I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT ILL BEAT YOUR ASS

tsumu: wow heart broken

buddha: *sniff*

Best decoy: GUYS I TALKED WITH KAGEYAMA WE COOLS

beanpole: yay. 

guess monster: awww

Dad: good job

unironic milkman: you guys can thank me later

buddha: didnt you start-

unironic milkman: shhhhhhhhh

**roast oikawa time - 3:42 am**

weed brownies: Step into my office

Smexy cat: Hold my calls

die: Sun nuggets

fuck you: Solar babies

bitchass hoe: labolaboka

fuck you 2: Californias finest

Akaashi Keiji: All for you to smoke on🚬

best boi: I LIKE UR FUNNY WORDS MAGIC MAN :DDDD

weed brownies: how many scoops????

die: 2 plz

bitchass hoe: HEHEHEHEHFCNAHDCEJKASN

Sugamama: what in gods fucking name

owl-sensei: ????

Pinky:[ come on you guys](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Dc_cnj1PEc)

tsumu: that was some great coordination

Sakusa Kiyoomi: You can spell that?

tsumu: ...  
tsumu: fuck you

Short&Angery: why the FUCK are people awake rn?

Smexy cat: idk yaku what are you doing

Short&Angery: dealing with ur bullshit  
Short&Angery: now go to bed

die: k

Short&Angery: i-  
Short&Angery: is he actually going to bed?

weed brownies: probably not

Akaashi Keiji: its peak hour 

owl-sensei: that sounds smart

Short&Angery: im done with this im leaving

bitchass hoe: you do that

Sugamama: i didnt say this before but tsukishima ur grounded

**roast oikawa time - 7:11 am**

beanpole: the fuck?

Sugamama: you heard me

beanpole: i did not

Sugamama: yes you did now get your ass to training

beanpole: this is homophobia

russianboyo: injustice

Short&Angery: shut up lev

Sugamama: ...  
Sugamama: what has this chat become?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk about the hamilton part but like it is sorta ptsd from my brother lol  
> ALSO SORRY IF U GUYS DONT GET SOME OF THE REFERENCES MY BRAIN IS A CONFUSING PLACE I KNOW  
> [The thing at 3 am was JFK from clone high if ur wondering]
> 
> i hope you guys are keeping safe and im sorry for the wait! <33333

**Author's Note:**

> love 'em


End file.
